tears are my food day and night
all day my enemy camps around me
living's becoming a fight
i'm broken hearted when your not around me
I've been in this place now for days
praying oh Lord that your grace would sustain me
Your love is the air that i breathe
i need you now let your love come and fill me

praise the Lord oh my soul, your not forgotten
our God reigns with compassion
for as far as the east is from the west
is so far that he's moved our transgression
our God reigns, with compassion

[written by mark]

Jesus, thank you for loving me. even if there is nobody else i know that you will always be there.

refuse to be smart. my favorite richmond grafiti. he doesnt do the normal grafiti of destroying property and spraypainting, he does it in posters and stickers on abandoned buildings and on the backs of street signs and random other places. so you can find stuff all over the place. i have started a collection, whenever i see something of his..i take it. [eee] i have one of his posters and 3 of his stickers. go here to check out his stuff [http://www.angelfire.com/ca6/refusetobesmart/] also if you havent noticed i have the logo as my aim icon. just thought id share. peace. the hunt continues and i refuse to be smart.

today started off awesome....i got a 93 on my art history midterm. andddd i got my knotty boy dred kit! yay. so now hopefully w/ the wax and the new shampoo it will help my dreds to lock. havin dreds is actually alot of work at first. but it will be worth it when they lock.

this weekend was so awesome. well after english was over. first off...me and abi went over to our house to try and see the inside but nobody was there so that didnt work out. but we will see it eventually. so right after that i left for 2 hour drive to jmu. and it was worth it. when i got there i met up w/ aaron on campus. we went to wendy's to eat and just talk bout things. then we went over to salvation army for a little thriftin. i found this rockin sweater that is like cream colored and brown sleaves and color. youd have to see it. i have it on right now :). well anyways...after that we went over to jessie, lissa, sarah, and pattys place. i had never been to jmu or their place before so it was all new area for me. but it was so great to see them. i love hangin out w/ these girls. i met them all thru my friend michelle and im not really close to them at all but i loved gettin to know them better. i know jessie pretty well from talkin to her on the net alot. the rest not really. but man it was so fun up there. friday night was game night for chi alpha at their apartment. it was really fun playin games and laughin a lot. i got to meet alot of other ppl who go there that are christian.so we stayed up till around 130 or 2 talkin and stuff. we saw this funny video of these guys doin all this random stuff infront of a tourgroup of highskool kids at jmu. ha. youd have to see it. i spent the night at their apartment too. so saturday was a chill day. i woke up aroun 10 or so and ate some brownies and a sticky bun. then i watched this jessie duplantis video. this guy was awesome. after that i fell back asleep till like 130. i talked to jessie for awhile and erin from gov skool came over. well i actually saw her friday night for a few minutes also. but it was great seein her cuz i havent seen her for like a year and months since gov skool. i got to meet her boy too which was cool cuz she talks bout him so much. so we all hung out at the apartment and listened to lauryn hill and played this game called 'mad gab' it is a game where there are words that you say...well i definately cant try and explain it but i just laugh so hard playin that cuz it either sounds like you are drunk or have a heavy accent. after that erin left and me and lissa went food shoppin for dinner. lissa is a really cool person. her personality is just chill and i duno if anyone knows jennie patterson...she kinda reminds me of her for some reason. so that was fun. then we came back to apartment and chilled till we had some yummy turkey chili. that rocked my face. after dinner i went over to the 'lighthouse' where a bunch of other girls live and where michelle will live when she gets back from costa rica. but i really wanted to see it cuz she talked about it so much and i wanted to see trang too. the house really is a dream house. i stayed there for a few..trang gave me a tour and then i went back to the apartment...talked for awhile and left for another 2 hour drive. i just was prayin and worshippin the whole way. it was a good time w/ the Lord. [prayer request: my moms half sisters' son got in a car accident and is in a comma and will probly die. we are believing for a miricle and for the Lord's power to be shown in this situation. what satan does for bad, the Lord turns around to use for good. thanx you Jesus ahead of time for how you are gonna use this situation. so just be prayin for him, his name is ian] . today is sunday and chip bueler, the speaker from our college retreat, is down and he preached this morning. it was called '20-20 vision' and how we need to start seein from God's perspective. "eyes that look are common, but eyes that see are rare" and now my parents and sister are comin to town to see me :) yayyyy im excited. i havent been home in awhile. i love when they come and visit. i love when anyone comes to visit [hint hint] :wink: peace

here is a poem that came out of the book 'victory over the darkness' a book that i just started reading. i think that it is a very good. [Jesus- i need you more, more then yesturday, more then words can say, more then ever before]

lend me your hope for awhile,
i seem to have mislaid mine.
lost and hopeless feelings accompany me daily,
pain and confusion are my companions.
i know not where to turn;
looking ahead to future times does not bring forth
images of renewed hope.
i see troubled times, pain-filled days, and more tragedy.

lend me your hope for awhile,
i seem to have mislaid mine.
hold my hand and hug me;
listen to all my ramblings, recovery seems so far distant.
the road to healing seems like a long and lonely one.

lend me your hope for awhile,
i seem to have mislaid mine.
stand by me, offer me your presence, your heart and
your love.
acknowlede my pain, it is so real and ever present.
i am overwhelmed with sad and conflicting thoughtss.

lend me your hope for awhile;
a time will come when i will heal,
and i will share my renewal,
hope and love with others.

the juliana theory
Thu. 11/21/02
*NEW*

Fredericksburg, VA
Great Hall - Mary Washington College. Ages: 18+. Doors open at 7pm. Call 757.463.1940 for more information. TBA

man today was good. for so many reasons i cant really explain them..[shout out to nicole, you are just amazing, thanx for just being so obediant to the Lord]. but one thing was i got a new bike. i heard bout this old guy who sells bikes on floyd street so i thought id check it out and he sold me this pretty nice huffy for 30 bones...which is real good. so i have a new friend. i got a ulock too...so im cool now...but its hard bein cool...this ulock is annoying. man the sacrifice for keepin your bike from gettin stolen. also today me and kim roamed around richmond takin pictures of my shirt and her tie for class. and i found some rockin 'refuse to be smart' stickers [im gonna start collectin his stickers and posters...so far i have 3 stickers and one poster] but then we went to plan 9 and i got shannons bday present and i got the new dave cd for myself. thennn i went to bible study and that was awesome too. i am left standin in awe....God put a smile upon my face.

i went on a bike hunt today. no luck. i went to fantastic thrift with my friend steven and we were lookin at the bikes and this guy was like yea there are much better bikes at the thrift store on midlothian turnpike. so we headed ou there. we definately got lost and eventually found it like a half hour later...when the guy said it was gonna be an 8 minute drive. but we found it and there were kind of alot of bikes..none that really worked or even compared to my other bike. so i decided to wait and keep looking. so im left bikeless. keep an eye out for me.

im mad cuz i thought i was in honors..and im not...cuz well i thought ya had to have a 3.5 gpa in highschool and you would automatically be in honors..and i had a 3.8 so this whole time i thought i was in honors..and today when i tryed to scedule my classes it wouldnt let me..and i went to the honors building they said that i had to have atleasst a 1270 SAT score. and i dont have that.so i cant scedule my classes for 6 weeks now. well i dont really care. i just had my hopes up i guess. cuz i have my scedule all ready and its perfect. i just wanna know i can get these certain time slots..but now its not gauranteed. so im not havin the best day today. but ill get over it and ill probly get the classes i want..im just overreacting. Lord help me. hope everyone else has a good day

yea so this stinks. my bike got stolen. yea im pretty sure its definately gone. i duno...im upset about but then im not. im mainly upset b/c i know my dad spent a lot of money to get it fixed up for me to take to skool. i guess im gonna walk up to fantastic thrift and buy a new one. im sorry dad. i duno how it happened. i went to the discovery plays tonight at around 715 and i know i rode my bike there b/c i wanted to catch dinner before and dinner ended at 7 so i rode my there so i could catch it at the last minute...maybe get the cold left overs [which ended up being my favorite chicken parmesaen and this awesome vegitarian lasagna] but anyways...after the plays i talkin to some ppl then i was gonna walk over to the business building to see 'mr. deeds' the movie and then i was like oh yea ill get my bike and ride it over there...but yea..when i went to get my bike it wasnt there so i ended up walkin anyways...i guess i knew that it was gonna get stolen eventually. i mean i wasnt hoping it would or anything..but i duno ive just been wanting to get a u-lock and they never have them so i hadnt gotten one yet. so yea i will definately get one now once i get my new bike. so anyways...'mr deeds' was a good movie. i hadnt ever seen it before so i took the free showing as a good opportunity to see it. they showed it in the business building auditorium and it was nice big screen [not as good as byrd but good enough]. so that ended around 11 ..so i walked home alone..w/out the company of my purple bike and my pink bell ..and my quick release basket holder...and the black old skool bike waterbottle i never use....and my kryptanite bike lock. ill miss my bike. ill never forget you, bike. i hope that you are in good hands. hopefully it is a nice theif atleast. good night world.

here are two entries that my friend mike put on his site [http://save-the-humans.blogspot.com/] talkin about 2 of the very interesting homeless ppl in richmond....these two were especially funny so i thought id share . these are just

Biker Quacker
I dont know much about this crazy guy. He looked homeless, dirty and all, but I dont know for sure. He quacks down the street riding his bike, yeah i said quacks. He quacked and waved at me walking down the street, and i quacked back as if to say have a nice day and he kept riding along. After a few seconds i burst out laughing, rolling on the ground. I've only seen him twice, but it sure makes my day when i do see him. I dont know if he thinks hes a duck, or he just knows the quacking language. I dont know if he even knows english...?

No cell phone lady
Now, this lady I've only seen once, on the bus. She was cursing out profanities, and making all sorts of noise. At first i thought she was talking to someone, but i looked around and no one was talking to her, and everyone on the bus was looking at her wierd. So I guessed that she was either crazy or has had a bad day or something. I continued to watch her and realized she kept putting her hand up to her ear and talking, like it was a cell phone. She kept yelling into it, and when she hung up she pressed a button on her hand. She kept doing this the whole ride, and it was entertaining but i felt bad. I guess she had no one to talk to, so she pretended to be talking in a cell phone to someone, cursing and laughing it up. She appeared to be homeless, shaggy and carring alot of bags with clothes and newspapers. Maybe she just needed a friend to talk to, but she seemed a little too hostile for me to just go up and say hi. Maybe next time i see her i will buy her one of those fake candy cell phones, so she will actually be talking into something other than her imaginary phone.

last night bible study was awesome. we had a tea party..cuz lilian had the idea for bringin in all her teaset. we were celebratin anna's bday...well we were gonna..but anna couldnt come. but Nicole talked about team work and our gifts. how the Lord has made us all different, and if we were all the same ..like if we were all elbows..then we would just be a huge monster. she talked about how all gifts are equal to God. i always look forward to wednesday night bible study. just b/c i know the Lord does something new everytime and he is continuously knitting all of us closer together.

so what should my topic for my research paper be? i need one by tomorrow. and it is gonna be a 5-6 page paper [which means i will only write 5] man im glad friday is tomorrow. another week almost over. but not lookin forward to the weekend. i have to prepage a paper for the art history midterm and study for the art history midterm...good news is that the midterm is entirely multiple questions..well except for the essay..but still..that is awesome.

besides that..this weekend im doin alot...on friday im goin to see some of my friends plays...the freshman discovery projects. then after that i am probly goin back to williamsburg..b/c on saturday my friend emily is selling all her work in starbucks from 1-4 [the starbucks on monticello] you should come and suport her...check her work out maybe buy something. then sunday my church in richmond is havin a college kid cookout...im definately pumped about that.

click-lighter on- candle lit- oooh no- no candles aloud in dorms- squissy peach smelly candles have to be an exception

i want to do a drawing series on door ways...ive already done 4 of them...they are miniture drawings...like 5 inches and smaller. ill scan some soon. if anybody hasnt been to my new picture page lately. i have new pictures of me and my roomates and i have all the art work i have done here so far. peace

guess what! i won the two new waterdeep cds. anyone who knows me probly got an email from me about waterdeep...a link where you could go and listen to them on the internet. well i sent that to 144 people. count yourself lucky if you got one of those 144 emails b/c you helped me out by just having an email address. i was in the top 3 of sending the most emails out....so i won both the new waterdeep cds for free. rockin! so now i dont have to buy them...which was gonna be like 35 bones that i dont have....and i feel special cuz my name was in the waterdeep mass email. whoo hooo im cool. also...i did find the funniest site ever created on the internet...mark told me about it. the link is [http://maddox.xmission.com/] it has a lot of cussing in it..but i serious am rollin when i read this. seriously..on the floor crying im laughin so hard. i love this site. yay lunch time...peace

its 12:40 and im not asleep yet. yes i have to be in class at 830 tomorrow morn...boo. well i cant write...im tired. ill write more tomorrow

today was awesome. my parents came down to visit me on their way to d.c. we went out to eat at strawberry cafe. it was really good restaurant. very cute. it was great spending time w/ them too they are really fun to hang out w/. im so blessed to have them as parents. so after that..when my parents left i went back to my dorm and i chilled for awhile b/c today is saturday and i liked just being lazy. so i worked on my 'used book'. i also did my laundry for the 3rd time since i have been in college. impressive huh? at 6 i met the girls for dinner and then we went to this reJOYce in Jesus service. it was rockin. it was this black church that rocked. i didnt even know that it was a church. i didnt really know what it was but we wanted to check it out. and it ended up bein great. we had to leave early tho b/c also tonight there was the 'LIVE Alive in Christ' in the commons underground. it was awesome i was also predominately a black church...which i love. i love black worship i love black people . they are just so passionate about the Lord. but it was cool..there were alot of ppl there and they did some worship, some food, some skits, some praise, some prayer. it was an awesome night with the Lord and also coming together with the christians of VCU. awesome. so now i think im gonna go read for awhile...talk to yous lata

last night turned out so good. the Lord really came thu...if ya read the entry i wrote before this you will see that i was havin pretty much a bad day. well after i got back to my dorm i just got on the computer..to take a break from lookin for the magazine. i just said to the Lord "thank you for finding me the article" and a few hours later. my dad calls me and said...'i called 'more' magazine and they are faxing me the article.' now how amazing is that? my dad rock and the Lord got me the article. then a later too my mom called me and said 'i found the actual magazine. haha. also last night was girls night out w/ all the girls in my bible study. we all went over to nicoles house and we played lots of games, talked, had pizza, and watch the matrix. it was awesome. we had such a fun time and laughed the entire time. so..thank you Lord for turning around a day that i thought was gonna stink into an amazing day. i love you

awww what a great day it has been....SIKE. ok i woke up to only go to english..then i went to the writing center and dont get any help b/c i need to find the article for my paper that im doing. ok...so the article is in 'more' magazine. i went to the vcu library, the richmond library and the state library...as far as 8th street to find this article. did i mention that it was raining and i was on my bike. no raincoat. and NONE of the libraries carry subscriptions to 'more' magazine. so yea im screwed as of now. that paper is due wednesday and i dont have an article to quote from. so yea if anyone has the september issue of 'more' magazine w/ jamie lee curtis on the front. then i please tell me....for the love

oh im so glad that today is over. last night i had these two projects that i offcourse waited until last mintue to do. one that i have had 2 weeks to work on and then this other one that was pretty easy. but the 2 week project i really like how it turned out. but today was so long. cuz well i have my studio classes and man they seem like forever. but its over. praise God. and i found out that the project i did a few weeks ago..the collage thing..i got an 'A' on it and she wants to keep it, among others, and put it in a gallery or a show or somethin. so that rocks. other exciting news for the day! i got a new discman!!! yay. well my friend steven was like 'you wanna go to walmart w/ me' and i said sure...and i didnt think i was gonna get anything but then i remembered that i need a cd player and i have been wanting one for my studio classes to help them go by faster and so i can better concentrate on drawing. and so i can put them on in art history and sleep :) wellllll maybe not..but still im pumped about it. rockin!

new look for the site. i like it. its chill. and the theme pretty much rocks. i get brain cramps a lot here in college. so anyways how ya like it. sooo tonight i hung out w/ anna and nate and met some other guys there..but yea... we went to this thing called 'open mic night' its where random ppl go and sing and play acoustic guitar and jembes...well thats what they played tonight atleast. but there were 3 different bands. it was cool. i love live music. speaking of live music...last night i saw 'dashboard confessional'. they rocked my face. the first 3 bands were aight. i wasnt really that into them. i duno they didnt really catch my attention at all. that part was great tho cuz me and kim..durin the first 3 bands..just sat upstairs and made fun of everyone .so the show was at the norva...which is a pretty good venue. i like it cuz it just looks cool. but really it blows b/c unless you are in the front or a tall person you cant really see. there are a few spots that i discovered that is a good veiw but still...eh. well this was my second time seeing dashboard. i think that the last show was better cuz it was at the boathouse...another venue in norfolk...which i like alot better. cuz where ever you stand you can see the whole stage...and its cool cuz its right on the water and if ya go outside you can like stand and look over the water...but anyways. this show chris played alot of good songs but he also played alot of new stuff. his new stuff is pretty good. there is this one song that shannon told me about that is on his website [www.dashboardconfessional.com] and he played that. it is a really cool song. it is very different from all of his other stuff. it really tells a story and it sounds like a southern jig ho down song or somethin. but yea the highlight of the night was the closing song he played hands down and bitterpill together. he does this thing live where he sings pretty much all of hands down and then you think its over and he just flows into bitter pill. and bitter pill is the best song live cuz he really just gets into it and they just flow in the intruments alot. but yea so then at the end they go back into hands down. and its just rocks. so yea the show ended around 11 which i thought was late for a show...but i guess there were 4 bands. but we did have to drive 2 hours back to richmond and drop kelsey off in the burg on the way. but it was cool. me, kim, and shannon had a fun time drivin back just talkin bout stuff and..well they are always cool to hang out w/ anyways. but yea...i gotta go cuz i reek of smoke from 'open mic night' cuz this chain smoker guy was sittin at our table....eek i cant breathe...get the smell offffff!

top 11 teezes at the dashboard show [and details]
1- get a room girl [ok this one girl was dancin w/ her boyfriend during ash and yea this wasnt just dancin...this was SICK! she was like all up on him like yea. i was about to throw up but i couldnt not watch cuz they were right in front of me....eek.ok lets move on the next teeze please]
2- fat girl that cant stand up [ ok this girl was in the crowd too. she was right in front of kim. kim was about the beat her up b/c the bouncer guys were like passin out water to ppl and this girl was drink some and like leanin back on kim. like i duno why but kim kept like pushing her and it was like the girl didnt even notice b/c she kept fallin back on kim. once dashboard started kim was gonna take her out but she didnt get the chance or i duno.
3- hat boy [ok this boy was right in front of us in the crowd too. he had a hat that said 'sweat more, bleed less' basically kim like hated it and wanted to rip it off and throw it in the audiance b/c she said "he isnt hardcore just cuz of his hat, any hardcore guy wouldnt wear a hat like that"
4- drunk girl [now this was funny. ok i moved away from the get a room girl cuz basically we were standing right in the middle of a crowd being smashed into everyone around you...like no breathing room, i was sweating even tho i wasnt even moving, well wait that sweat was prolly the sweat of the ppl touching me...so anyways. i left the crowd and went on a search to find a spot where i could see the stage. i finally found a spot standin on the stairs. and i was just mindin my own business singin along and these two drunk girls walked by. one was much more drunk then the other so i will focus on her. well she couldnt walk at all! she like was tryin to get to the stairs and even more funny...tryin to walk up the stairs w/out falling over. her friend had to pull her and help her up. it was great. i just laughed at how much of an idiot she is]
5- $1 water [kim was just mad bout how it cost one dollar for a cup of water...not a bottled water but a cup. i mean they shouldnt charge for water at a concert ]
6- grafiti my clothes please boy [this boy was just too weird to even explain..who knows what he was thinkin or how dark the room was he got dressed in]
7- old men by the stairs [these guys were cool. they were just two old guys chillin at the top of the stairs. i duno why they were even at the show. b/c they acted like they werent even listening..they were just talkin along...and were there the entire show]
8- 10 year old boy club [all these little boys were there. just walkin around. where ever you look you saw a 10 y/o boy in eye view...one even had poochy nipples]
9- no digital cameras aloud [now this blew. b/c i brought my camera. i got it in and i thought all was good. and i was thinkin...do you think its safe to take a picture now. cuz we pushed our way into the crowd so that i could w/out it gettin taken away by one of the gaurds. and it wasnt even dashboard yet but i took a picture of the lead singer of ash. and all of a sudden....:tappidy tap tap: on my back. a gaurd caught me. i gave it over w/out sayin anything cuz i mean i guess i knew it was gonna happen ..even tho i was mad cuz i could have waited till dashboard and then gotten a picture of them....but yea at the end of the night when i got my camera back..they had deleted the one picture that i did take off of my camera....so that really stinks. but anyways....next]
10- whoa i almost drown in my shirt boy [this boy was part of the 10 y/o boy club. he had on a huge button up shirt. kim commented put words in his mouth... "im cool cuz i like pacific sunwear" . but to the point..his shirt was so huge i just blirted out the words "whoa i almost drowned in my shirt" and hey look...it made it on the teeze list]
11- coat dress [coat dress was like this trench coat but looked more like a dress. and he had on a white collared shirt on underneath and he put the white collar onto of the black collar...and he just looked like the biggest flame ever]

my favorite 'saves the day' song -nightingale. these are just some of the lyrics. if you can download this..do it. this song rocks. well so does all saves the day stuff

And I will flail under these lights that seep down from the bitter sky tonight
and I will kick and beat my wrists together
and feel an ocean breathing waves, feel them licking at my face.
Ceilings don't exist and there are no floors beneath me.

The nightingales are singing now.

studying for art history was actually fun tonight. me, kim, and kat teamed up and studied. we thought of lots of tricks to remember dates of the art peices and we laughed alot. i met kims boy dave and kats boy rob. they both seem really cool. dave is shy so i dont really know his personality. rob is really cool. me, him, and kat went to eat dinner together and he has this thing w/ plums...ha it was funny. well anyways. i memorized all the posible slides for the quiz tomorrow. so im really happy bout that. imight read over the chapter or somethin. but yea...

tonight was cool. it was first friday tonight which is...well the first friday of every month all the galleries get new art shows up. so me, emily, lilian, kent, and courtney went down broad street to a lot of the galleries. my favorite one was prolly artspace b/c they had matt lively's work in there. on my picture page i put up the pictures from tonight if ya want to see them. there are a few of matts work up. it was cool walkin around broad at night cuz well first friday is a big thing. it only happens once a month and so the artists are there to meet and its kind of like a open house w/ food and stuff. so a lot of ppl come out to go to the galleries. they were all packed. it was my first time goin. we didnt get to go to main street galleries but thats ok. i want to start goin to every first friday. it was very cool. there were like ppl playin live music in some of the galleries and some outside the galleries. so we walked around for a few hours or less. and then at 930 i went to byrd theater and saw 'bourne identity' i hadnt seen it before..i really liked it tho. it was good. there have been alot of movies in byrd that i wanted to see but i missed them cuz i never got around to goin. so im glad i actualy went this week. and i might go back again to see princess bride to saturdays midnight movie.

last night was awesome. me and lilian drove 2 hours to virginia beach to see the hillsongs worship team b/c they came over from austrailia to lead worship last night. hillsongs has one of my favorite worship teams. their worship is just so good. they write all their music and man it is anointed. so my cuzins were on the alter ministry so they got us seats right in the 3rd row which was a blessing. and it was also good seeing them b/c i havent in awhile. so the night was awesome. i got to see lots of ppl from williamsburg too b/c they all went. it was worth the drive. plus me and lilian had fun hangin out , talkin, and worshipin in the car. oh yea and on the way up before we went to the church..cuz we got to virginia beach early. we went to pollards chicken for dinner! we used to eat there all the time when comin to see grandmom but we havent in forever so we ate there and it was great. the puffs are the best!

the hillsongs worship team is coming to virginia beach christian life center on october 3rd. this coming thursday. featuring darlene zschech and brian houston ...7:30 pm...doors open by 7 pm. free and open to the public (no tickets required)

i got a new pic page. check it out...there are pix from this past weekend in the burg, my dreds, and random pix i took around richmond. and dont worry i still have my old pic page. there is a link from the new one to the old one. but i will just only be updatin to the new page.