hi. my name is lonely.
written by me

in the midst of pain
a porkupine longs to be loved.
she longs to be hugged.
but to hug a porkupine only causes pain.
she cant recieve,
and she cant give.
thoughts of pulling out her quills
is what runs through her mind.
the porkupine seeks physical pain
to cure emotional pain,
because her quils only cause unintentional pain
either pain to others
or pain to herself.
"rip out my quils!
i just want a hug!
there is nothing i can do
because i was born this way.
to inflict pain
is the last thing i want to do.
why was i born this way
with these cursed quills?
what is my purpose?
i only feel worthless.
hi. my name is lonely"

mornin. yea so christmas was interesting this year. ill focus on the good parts. i got to see all the fam and i got some awesome presents that i really wanted. i was really blessed. so the rest of the details i hope will be forgotten. night.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS, KIDS!

happy christmas eve. it doesnt feel as if it is christmas eve. i guess ..i duno. as i get older i dont get as excited as i used to get about christmas morning. hmm. well tonight i am staying home in my house watching movies w/ myself. i just finished watching 'amelie'. it was as good as every one has told me it was goin to be. i really liked how it was filmed and the story line. and amelie is really cool..just the things that she is amused by and the whole way she went about doing things. i duno cant explain it. that guy too was interesting. the one who had the picture album of ppl who threw away their pictures at the photo booths. yea i definately recommend seeing that movie. it quickly might become one of my favorites. even tho i had to read the subtitles b/c it was all in french. it was still amazing. each and every character with in itself. yea. see it. next movie to watch. 'the divine secrets of the ya ya sisterhood.' this is a movie that i have always wanted to see. i have all the books too but i havent read them. next. ill be back to respond later probly most definately. mwah

this was a good past weekend. friday night was the cantata at my church which was amazing. and then we went to the farinos and played games w/ like ten of us. we played taboo. that was great and halarious. saturday was gpop dauria's birthday so our fam went to norfolk to this italian restaurant called 'reginos' yea it was crap. dont ever go there. how will you know where it is? well look for the old pizza hut building with the neon sign that says reginos on little neck rd. so yea after that i got dropped off at the airport and met the farinos there b/c we were pickin up marna. she was flyin in from new york from seein her boyfriend and i wanted to be there to see her. also that night we picked up her other sister michelle from the airport. she was comin in from costa rica. she was gone for like 3 months. that was so awesome to see her. on the way home michelle told us some stories from the trip and then i had to go home. but sunday i went back over to there house and hung out w/ her and the fam and heard bout the trip more. and she hooked me up w/ some costa rican jewelry that rocks. she got me this necklace that is made out of these orange beans. and bracelet that is red and black beans and bamboo. and she got my these really sweet ear rings that are made out of cocanut. they rock tho. you have to see them to know how they look i cant really explain them.trust me ,they rock. sunday night was a welcome home party for my two other friends who just got back. one from england and one from kansas city and their dad from utah. so everyone just came home. that was aewsome seein everyone and hanging out. we were there pretty late. then me and marna road all over town tryin to find hair dye for her. she wanted to dye her hair dark brown. and she has never dyed her hair before in her life. so i felt special that she let me do it for her. so yea we were up really late cuz i dyed hers then she bleached my hair for me. her hair turned out lookin amazing. im glad that she is happy w/ it. so then we watched 'the thomas crown affair' and ate lots of food. [ofcourse] then we fell asleep on the couch and then slept till 11 cuz her sister called and woke us up. arg. but then we went downstairs and i fell asleep after watchin the rest of the 'thomas crwon afair' i fell asleep until 4 oclock pm. thennn we went to dinner at la tol teca. yum. chicken quesa dia and churos and chips and cheese dip. mmm. oh yea did i mention that i am goin to kansas city for a bit. there is a end of the year conference at mike bickle's church [www.fotb.com] and 'the call KC' [www.thecallkc.com i actually have a link on the right side of this page under links] so i am really excited about that. i fly out of baltimore and while i am in baltimore i get to see my favorite teacher that retired from my highskool that now lives there. and yea im excited to get away from the burg.i havent been on a trip in awhile. i have been on a plane since i went to italy 2 years ago. which is weird cuz usually we fly alot. i have traveled alot these past two years but it has been all drivin. so yea im out. mwah

when i look around i think, this is good enough. and i try to laugh at whatever life brings. cuz when i look down i miss all the good stuff and when i look up i just trip over things::ani

here goes anothe long night. last night i fell asleep at 6 in the morning..when my sister was gettin up for skool.but today was fun. i played w/ my new cell phone more. its so fun. you can program my voice to call someone...so i can be even more lazy then typing in the number or goin to the address book. you can send text messages. it has a color screen where you can change the wall paper. you can put different rings for each person if you want...i just am in awe of this phone. have you ever had a sweet potato with butter and brown sugar. well go to the store and get one now. they are so incredibly good. you know what else is fun. playing taboo. hollywood squares is on. night kids.

so the past two nights i havent been able to fall asleep until 530 in the morning. my body is messed up. atleast i have been able to sleep in tho. 230 seems like the average time. tuesday i got to hang out w/ my dad. we went out to dinner and then we shopping at the mall. it was great hanging out w/ him. i dont get to very often but when i do i love it. im so lucky to have such a great dad. wednesday me and my sister and her boy went to spca and then we went to pick my car up from gettin the headlight fixed. then i went to church and then after mark and adam came over and we hung out and played pool. [colin powell says that they are doing everything to avoid war] gotta go. a new phone awaits me.

great story for you kids. tonight...my first night home was great. i got home around 630 and went to meet my family at shaklefords cuz they were eating dinner there. then i went by starbucks..picked up some caramel fraps for me and joy and then went to the farinos to then go to the other farino house. it was girls night. there were like 15 girls...more or less there. and we played catch phrase and scatigories. it was really fun. then at 945 we went to see 'maid in manhatten' it was cute chick flick. i liked it. the guy in it tho i cant see him in any other movie except red dragon. but yea. so after the movie we went back to shannons and played more games. we left there around 230 and i made my way home. i was on 199 and i had on my brights..b/c yea there arent any cars out at 230 in the morning. i was off day dreamin or somethin and i guess i forgot to turn off my brights..this car turned around and was behind me all the way to rt 5. i didnt really suspect anything tho. i just was tired and want to come home and go to sleep. so yea by the time i got to williamsburg crossing the cops lights went off so i pulled over...ha now listen to this, this is halarious. she walked up and asked for my license and registration and i gave her my license and had to ask her what my registration looked like...ha. so she asked me if i had been drinking and i was acting tired and nervous i guess so she thought i was drunk. so she told me to get out of my car and she made me do all these drug tests. one of them was i had to say my abc's starting from c and go to p. and i forgot what was after k...haha. so that great. so i did like 4 other tests. and i was scared b/c i obviously hadnt been drinkin but i was just really nervous anyways cuz just being in the presence of a cop questioning me...just freaked me out. so then she walkie talkie her other cop friend and he came. he was this cool asian dude. so she searched my car and he shined a flash light on me. yea i was shakin cuz it was freezing out and i asked him if i could put my hands in my pockets and he asked me if he could search me first...ha. so yea thennnn the lady came back and she said that she was gonna let me off and asked me once again if i had been drinkin and even tho she was lettin me off she told me she thought i had been drinkin. haha so i went home laughing. and yes i waved to them on my way out...how great of a story is that to tell the grandkids. what i learned from this situation: i now know what a registration looks like, and man those tests are rediculous. night po po's

hi. the countdown is about. 2 days till im done for christmas break. well tomrrow ill be studying all day and then monday i take the exam for art history. yea i definately dont feel like studying. this whole week i have been doing absolutely nothing that has to do with skool so im not in the studying mood. plus knowing that im done for a whole month afterwards...i just want to skip it. but i did have a dream that i got an 'a' on it. so thats good. tonight is the last midnight movie at byrd. they are playin 'the christmas story' im excited. i havent seen it in awhile and i like midnight movies...well i have only been to one other one before this one. but it is cool b/c everyone is really loud and talks and cheers and just gets really into the movies. i like that. i mean why be quit at a good movie? yea so anyways. i dont know what to write. ive been doin bad on writin everyday. sorry kids. visualize whirled peas.

yea so i havent really been home in a few days. friday night i went to dinner w/ the girls for emilys birthday. then i came home for a bit and then went to hang out w/ meaghan and mike. i had been in a bad mood pretty much that night and it was fun hangin out w/ them. i love hangin out with those two. we watched the silence of the lambs. the other night i went and saw red dragon and so i wanted to see the other two. so now i still have to see hanibal but i will eventually. so that night we went to bed at 4 in the morning and the next day we woke up at 3. so we went to hibbs at 430..got togo food and then came back at 5 and got dinner. saturday my parents came to richmond to go to dinner w/ their friends...so me,mike, and meaghan drove over there to meet them. [the trouple met the parents] thennn we went to see the matrix at the byrd theater. late night..bout 3 am bed time. church the next morn at 11 and then a long night ahead. me and meaghan stayed up all night studyng and talking. we went to bed at 830 am. it was a really fun night. memories. good times. once we fell asleep-the maid came to vacuum the hall. i never knew a vacuum was so loud until then. then meaghan had to go to class so i walked back to my dorm at 1130 and slept till 4. thennn i got up went to eat..talked to dave for a bit and then went to meaghans. then we went to hot topic and got hair bleach. we bleached my dreads and put blond streaks in her hair. thennn we went to the commons and ate some food and thennn i went back home to work on art projects for today. today is i think easier then i thought it was goin to be. we are basically just turning in our portfolios. im eating speghetti and meatballs. peace. update for now

it snowed wednesday!!! whoo so much fun. basically the whole skool was outside playin in the snow in monroe park. i was out until 2 in the morning. and when i went in there was still like atleast 100 ppl outthere. i was first out there w/ my roomates and then i met up w/ meaghan, kat, mike and meaghans roomate. i had fun takin pictures and attacking ppl to the ground, putting snow down the hole in mikes pants, snow angels in the middle of the road, watching ppl pelt the plow trucks w/ snow balls, drew a pig in the snow on a cop car...and then stood there saying "look someone drew a pig on a cop car, oh my gosh!" drew out our names in the snow in a big empty untouched parking lot, kicking around a lost shoe. it was great. usually i dont play out in the snow cuz there is nothin to do except goin sledin down the same old hill in my neighborhood but this time it was different...there was actually ppl older then the age of 10 to hang out w/. when it was too late, meaghan told me that i was suposed to move my car under the roof in the parking garage.. so we went to see my buggy and it was covered...the next day when we went to see it it was frozen over w/ ice...so i pulled it under the roof to maybe help it thaw out...im glad there was a spot like really close by under the roof b/c i couldnt see anything. oh yea and by the way...if ya didnt figure it out...skool was canceled on thursday [there.snow.skool]. i was so excited but not. i was b/c i didnt do my homework for drawing studio but i wasnt b/c i really wanted to go to c&p class. last night i spent the night at kats house b/c i didnt have any classes today either b/c english last day was wednesday...i want to see if i can move into rhoads dorm. my pink converses got wet in the snow and so i wore my moms duck boots. yea im tired and happy there was sweet potato pie at lunch today.

back to good ol vcu. yesturday i got back here really early cuz i was gonna be working on a paper all day. well guess what happened. i got here..fell asleep..got on the computer...fell asleep until 530 then went to eat w/ kat and her mom and heard them talk russian..then went to kats dorm and hung out around there until around 830 then came back here..got on the comp...ate some birthday cake that erika made for claire....2...peices...then watched the movie "o" that came on hbo...then started my paper....by then it was 11:30 at night. ha. then i got on the computer and talked to ppl...got offline for a bit...wrote one page...talked to meaghan on the phone...ran around my dorm screaming and fake crying and doing everything except writing me paper. then around 2 i finished another page of my paper and went to bed at 2:30. yes the paper was suposed to be 4 pages...but i figured my teacher would extend the due date until atleast wednesday..and yes i was right....whoo hoo now i have to worry bout the paper again tuesday night at midnight when ill try and finish it. farewell.