28 February 2004

you can then just because

you can get lost in a word
you can get lost in a thought
or a book can captivate you
can distract you from reality
you can get lost on a trail
you can see the moon during the day
it is like a frown
maybe it feels left out
when the sun gets all the attention
you can get lost on a tangent
or make sentence fragments
make others confused
whether you want to or not
you can get lost in a stare
and only realize that time goes by
so much faster when you are late
or when you procrastinate
you can be lost and not know it
you can be lost and like it
you can be lost and fed up
get caught up in being lost
get caught up on what you missed
or what has to be done
what you could have gotten done
get caught up in the mess
the stress the worry and
lose track of who you are
get caught up in which grass is greener
which mountain is higher
get caught up in comparing and contrasting
to the others caught up in fearing
intimidated by what is only a mask
masking with substance or introversion
temporary pleasure in even hangovers
what is simply covering insecurities
that he has she has we all have
just realize don't penalize
yourself for feeling that you're less
or have to catch up to the one
that might see you as best
relax don't worry about anything
instead pray about everything
instead embrace one vindication
His justification
instead be all that you can be
in Him in Christ in the one that made you
His plans for you are to prosper
if you just believe
instead don't think just trust
like a child be unto Him
why let your soul be cast down
instead let Him hold you
and collect your tears in His bottles
instead look in contrast to what He did
to that extent that He would go
out of love for your completion
for your peace and healing
so that you would see you
through the eyes of who created you
He knows your weakness
that is where He is strong
He knows the process
that is why first and foremost
Love is patient
He knows you are dark
yet calls you lovely
He knows your sins are like scarlet
they shall be as white as snow
He knows we like sheep have gone astray
we have turned, every one, to his own way
and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all
the Lord does not see as man sees
for man looks at the outward appearance
but the Lord looks at the heart
seek the Lord while you can find Him
call on Him now while He is near
draw near to Him and He will draw near to you
Now you belong to Christ Jesus
though you once were far away from God
now you have been brought near to Him
because of the blood of Christ

22 February 2004

"you're peculiar in a delightful and unique way"

19 February 2004

tonight i went to a spirit filled hard core show. the guys in the hardcore band i saw tonight i know from chi alpha and they are all amazing guys with such a hunger for the Lord. so anyways..they did a two part show. the first part was just them playing hardcore stuff and it was amazing really good and anointed. it wasn't that i was shocked but i think that i just tell myself that i don't like that kind of music but when i go to a live show it just overwhelms me and almost takes me over into a state of satisfaction like it is in agreement w/ the yearnings of my soul. the Lord was showing me that hardcore screaming music is like a form of intercession almost b/c it is like the depth of your soul crying out in words unexpressable or at least unfruitful to your mind. and in it He gave me three verses [matt 11:12]...the kingdom of heaven suffers violence and the the violent take it by force. [eph 6:12] we dont wrestle against flesh and blood but against principalities and powers. [ps 42:7] deep calls unto deep. its like the surrounding groans of the spirit trying to be free. the longing that our spirit will over take our weak flesh. and hardcore music is abstract in the same as abstract expressionism art. like jackson pollack and mark rothko. no matter how much i hate art like that it is like the Lord is drawing me to appreciate it b/c i am coming to see how inert words and images really are and how God is so not limited to them.

18 February 2004

learning to express myself has been less than easy of a task and it seems to have just come up this year. i have been thinking about thinking alot. ive been liking thinking more. getting lost in meditation talking to others beyond surface level and being forced to have to explain the question 'why?' in my life. having to learn new words that more accurately portray my subconscience. having someone that is equal in thought and desire. comparing questions. bouncing them off eachother. being free to not watch what i say. having friends that i can rely on to be vulnerable with. just me musing on my own i am usually left unfruitful but when i talk to others ranting and raving spilling over my so called thoughts its like im hearing my voice for the first time. the more i talk the more i am released to find out about the kind of person i am and who people think that i am. if i only could really know. if satan would keep from replacing the blinders. let me see with my spiritual eyes just who i am. i like becoming smarter. i want to be more knowledgable. its funny how i had so much pride in running from it. its funny to think how much ive even grown since last year. where ive come and where im going. i need to journal more and not in class but i like how boredom causes me to ponder things and write poetry. i want to start a book of my poetry. to have a collection together. beable to read my change and progression, change of styles.

17 February 2004

hidden out in the open

do i like to be put on the spot or not
be hidden out in the open up above ground
not flying but sitting on wood from Lowes
now used to hold weight and good views of James.
this tree house is one that stands upright
money and time spent to build
with unseen hands for those to escape.
its covered with names of evidence
but no face left their mark which
exceeds the time and change of handwriting.
limbs proud not making it easy to let you down
but wants to support your body and thoughts.
silence befriends then lets you vent
with out the courtesy nod or selfish interrupt
but just waits until you're done
and for your mind to clear of its many burdens
that were left unsaid to those with actual ears
yet does so much better of a job,
then sees you off until you return again
your next appointment assumed is soon.

16 February 2004

"allow yourself to fail. addressing your real need is no guarantee that your out-of-control behavior will disappear. many people who address the real issue underneath a self-boundary problem are often disappointed that the problem keeps recurring. no. the recurrence of destructive patterns is the evidence of God's sanctifying, maturing , and preparing us for eternity. we need to continue to practice to learn things. the same process that we use to learn to drive a car is the one we use for learning better self-boundaries. we need to embrace failure instead of trying to avoid it. those people who spend their lives trying to avoid failure are also eluding maturity. we are drawn to Jesus because 'he learned obedience from what he suffered' (heb 5:8). people who are growing up are also drawn to individuals who bear battle scars, worry furrows, and tear marks on their faces. their lessons can be trusted, much more then the unlined faces of those who have never failed- and so have never truly lived." -boundaries p222

14 February 2004


God's love is never ending, never ceasing, and with all His heart.

'above all else, gaurd your heart, for it affects everything you do' proverbs 4:23

12 February 2004

dreary rain
by lauren d'auria

its raining out and
the weather reflects
the usual faces every
one is always looking
down like they
are following a
trail of invisable
excitement on the
ground minus the smile
entertaining a blank stare
there dare not be
any interaction unless
the rare accidental
bump into excuse me
the only words exchanged
if one eye meets another
quick hide behind umbrellas
oh that was just me
reflecting parallel in windows
that scared me for a second
thought someone cared
benefits of the word
living word can not be
trapped in these strongholds
of time but transcends
beyond what we think
can be promises laws
all of we within the lamb
past the veil we seek
woodgrain scratched in booth
worn in booth overhearing its
8th conversation of the 7th day
of the 26th year its remained
faithful in placement in silence.
used abused never speaks up
never has to forgive just is.

10 February 2004

folk art history class poem
by lauren d'auria

im sitting here not alone
in a room full yet lonely
my chair folds down
desk folds over
on both sides if needed
my pen does work
what doesn't is my vocab
my eyes wandering
wander wonder
i don't want to learn of
such useless things of past
roosters chairs stained with blood
soaked and set in urine
portraits of babies
one shoe missing
"Don't dare ask!"
how is this all categorized
what makes it set apart
how did it remain
the guy next to me sleeps
ill try not to focus on
his nose wheeze and
envy his not paying
attention to the story
of antiques rudely
interrupted by time.

01 February 2004

ray mcculom 'the power of a purified imagination'
-gen 11:6
unification, communication, imagination
-everything that was created was created twice (once in your mind and once in reality)
-matt 9:23
-prayer purifys imagination
-delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart
if you are delighting yourself in the Lord then the desires of your heart will be pleasing to Him.
-until you start to dream bigger and see your self bigger then nothing is ever gonna happen
until you have the first creation in your mind-there will never be a 2nd creation.
2 cor 3:18
- you cant make yourself more like the Lord- but behold the images of the word and you will become what you see and what you set yourself after
rom 8:29
what you behold will compell you

-fear, evil imaginations, spiritual dullness
-defeat fear by replacing the image w/ faith
-get your hopes you! dream!