30 April 2008

"if you cant see the inherent beauty in the everyday life then you are lost. no matter where you are if you don't see what is around you then you might as well be blind. don't get too caught in your mind" -gary sange

28 April 2008

Sed fugit interea fugit irreparabile tempus
But it flees in the meantime: irretrievable time flees

23 April 2008

"Cigarette by candlelight
Became my view of the night
Summertime was my biggest squeeze
So much to do and so many to please
But maybe im just, crazy and grew up too fast

This is heaven and hell all at once
This is all i got and all i'd want
but like a lost soul i will,
wonder the globe till this feeling is gone"

it's all i hear

21 April 2008


"i think love is when something means more to you then yourself- somebody who you would do anything for no matter what"

20 April 2008

my mind is on mute.
how do i turn the volume back up?

19 April 2008

"I just want to cry
and I can't feel my tounge
or my fingertips
heart palputates
sitting in the corner is this better version of myself
listening to everything I say and finding the falacies
I did not intend to state.

I kept telling myself to sit still
for just one second
It never works"

(Louisa Broocks)

17 April 2008

("this is very reflective in a not so comfortable way. i realized some things about myself that i dont really like, and to come back here to be reminded of all that made me feel really anxious. the epiphany never came. im just as confused now as i was when i got here, and when i returned i wasnt sure that i wanted to be back. there's a darkness inside of me that i'm only now starting to come to grips with and accept. and its starting to scare me." -Ben Gibbard)

16 April 2008

my thumb ring was returned to me yesturday. the one that tells me in hebrew that God loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). the one that cracked in half last august when i seemed to be coming to terms with a lot of things in my life. things i felt like God would no longer love me for. and when it broke- i got upset at the irony of it all. i went 7 months without it- my ring, along with the thought that my relationship with God might never be the same. in the back of my head remained the thoughts that a child has when they know they aren't living up to the expectations of the ones they respect and they know they have hurt someone they love but feel like they have gone too far to turn back. ("will i ever be enough?") and now that i have my ring back- these thoughts have surfaced- of how callused i have become, and whether or not i can accept this love- because i don't know if i feel worthy of it. i'm reminded of the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) who wants to run home and cry in the arms of his father- to feel the comfort he once felt before he threw it all away. my eyes begin to water as i look at how perfectly my ring was welded back together- like it had never been broken- because i know God wants me to know that he still loves me and that he is waiting for me, to weld me back together and to build me up again, whenever i am ready. my heart hurts and i cant run from this.

15 April 2008

just get some tea and sit pretty on the curb

09 April 2008

i gave up morals when i took up you