28 September 2003

one year dreadlock anniversary today!

26 September 2003

ponder knowledge fruit
by Lauren D'Auria

Jesus your name is on repeat in my head
I'm having trouble not stumbling
over my inadequate knowledge of my knowledge of your face
i spend my time pondering your ways
and my mind is left unfruitful
because your fruit isn't of this earth
i struggle to grasp what you do speak
so let my spirit receive that which i miss
in one ear out the other
caught by my inner man
the game continues.
up all night in the shadow of your fiery eyes i lay
conscious or unconscious
teach to pray without cease
Lord come and enjoy me
Jesus you are my first love
continue to remind me of
your hand in my hand
Im secure with you Lord
how much closer can i come?

22 September 2003

i always hope that what i do portrays God and that i write down what he gives me and make and bring to reality the ideas that he gives me in art. it is hard sometimes though. but i am just wanting to die to myself and what i want. i want to be at a point of resting and a realization of God's grace...today my campus minister was telling us the four different definitions of grace..they are. 1. God's heart towards mankind, 2. a state of being pleasing, 3. unmeritted favor, and 4. God's ability. wow. i mean those are 4 totally different definitions as if they are each describing 4 different words. but no..that is just how vast the Lord is. to only get the revelation of that. it is mind boggling..not trying to sound cheesy. but there aren't the words to explain or express how much freedom we would receive when our heart can agree w/ our mind in this knowledge. ya know? long pondering hours needed. no, more like 'Lord, grant me the brain capacity to even think about it.' ha.

21 September 2003

self change insanity
by lauren d'auria

i no longer want to tolerate this mediocrity.
i came as i am,
but don't let me stay this way.
make me a slave to righteousness.
set me a new set of patterns,
to refrain from this worlds old ways.
i want to become foreign to all those.
don't let satan put me on autopilot.
it doesn't take an outside attack,
for the things within to take me over.
"i can't think that, im dead!
i cant do that, im dead!"
stop this insanity of self change.
I'm in a puzzle without pieces.
i cant change Lord,
if i could i already would have.
create in me a steadfast heart,
because this sin desensitizes me.
ill come to you outside the gate
take me into your environment
where this sin style is starved out,
where i can imitate your faith.
ignorance of God
is a luxury i cant afford.
prepare me for this battle,
to love this fight,
to perceive then receive,
the mindset of your kingdom.
take my eyes off my problem,
so that i can apply your grace to your promise
make me complete in every good work
to do your will
to be well pleasing in your site

20 September 2003

isabel. what i thought was gonna be harmless soon proved me wrong.

she came thru hard core thats for sure. i went home by my parents request and me and my family and some other ppl that my dad works w/ stayed at my dads work. it is underground- which means that i was basically oblivious to what was goin around us. yes the power went out but we got a generator that kept the lights on in one room which was a blessing. so we got there in the morning. 4- my family, 2- a couple, 1- janet, 2- dogs, 1- 82 y/o milly. we spent the majority of the day playng rummykub and cards...rummy 500 and blackjack, and i learned how to play kings of the corner. we had the radios informing us of the news. we had lots of food and battery powered fake lanterns to lead us around. we had to go upstairs to get a signal on our cell phones..that is before they died. and my dad had his little t.v. that kept us company some. my dog bella [a little yorkshire terrior] was continuously being chased around by storm, janets dog, a germain shepard. ha considerable size difference there. bella thought she was bigger and meaner until storm almost attacked her when he found bella eating his food. ha. when it was time for bed we realized that the lights couldnt be turned off so we moved into a small office to sleep. the next morning we got up around 7. my dad was already gone to try and drive over to see if our house made it. we had coffee and awaited his return. when he got back we packed up all our cars, cleaned up our mess and left. we knew that there was alot of damage done but when we actually saw it all it was crazy. the roads were covered w/ trees and branches and leaves are everywhere in site. the light signals are out obviously since the power was still out so traffic was kinda crazy. when we got into our neighborhood everyone was out walkin around just in shock. there were trees down on almost every house. we drove up to our street and couldnt go up it. two trees were down across blocking the road. we parked and got out. the house at the end of our road had three trees on it. one had totally crushed their garage and the roof was peeling up. another house had trees just leaning on it. we got to our house. our entire drive way was basically covered w/ fallen trees. nothing had hit our house. trees that fell into our driveway looked as if someone trimmed them to fall just shy of hitting our garage. the only damage done was a loose shudder on the porch and a tree fell and broke part of our fence. Praise God he protected it. our 'this house is protected by angels' sign held true. so the rest of the day we moved everything perishable into coolers w/ the ice that we had, cooked on the grill, and my dad started cleanin up the backyard. me and my sister went out on a hunt for ice. we came back after an hour empty handed. the rest of the time that i was ridiculously bored i was thinkin about how our generation is so spoiled and how we cry if the power is out for as short of a time as 1 day. its like we think we have nothin to do if we cant watch tv or get online. true? so yea. i also was playing the piano alot and lookin at magazines and eating ofcourse. i drove around town to check up on my friends to see how they made it. everyone is safe. today i did the same things...played piano mostly and walked around. i took my dog for a walk. i re-dyed my hair [oh yea by the way if anyone doesnt know...i dyed my hair dark brown w/ a slight red tint.] its pretty sweet. so i got a call saying that the power came back on at my apartment so that means i no longer have an excuse not to do school work. so now i am back in richmond. and becky said she is glad to have me back :) i feel special.

16 September 2003

unzip my heart mouth
by Lauren D'Auria

how can my heart mouth express
the words that just cant come about.
no words sum up one ounce.
my mouth is zipped,
only to be unzipped by your hand.
reach in and pull me out of this
bondage of body,
this constraining worshipless.
let me jump out of my skin,
to be in spirit and in truth.
untape my arms from my side.
raise them beyond length.
unglue my feet from this weight.
gravity, can it not be an issue here?
can i be even more foolish then this?
let me step beyond time
where clocks are not,
into the realm of my love
i only want to be where you are.
let me sing of the glory
that's due to your name Jesus

09 September 2003

lost welcome back
by Lauren D'Auria

her once focused eyes
wander about
sway sway ponder too hard
the God shaped void is stretched
is manipulated to fit other fillers
there are no other fillers
she knows the truth
but chooses to ignore
the light at the end of the tunnel

Lord let her break
that You might catch her tears
Lord let her fall
that You might help her up again
let her trip
so she might look to see her way

miserableness flys around
like a nat on her fruit
swat swat try too hard
draw her to yourself
hit bottom
bounce back up
redirect her directions
pride overtaking her soul
will eat her away

Lord let her break
that You might catch her tears
Lord let her fall
that You might help her up again
let her trip
so she might look to see her way

I come standing in the gap
my precious two and a half after twin
pray pray she will change
prodigal girl can no longer be satisfied
w/ pig trophs and slave work
freedom comes
with admitance of sin
satans anger will roar
but there is no longer a bite

Jesus has won her over
she has broke
her eyes swell and overflow
she has fallen
arms wide open raised up
she has tripped
eye window sills beam light

welcome back my love
its nice to finally meet you
today the new John mayer cd comes out 'Heavier things' check it out.

youve won my affection
youve captured my heart
you have my devotion
my worship is yours.

04 September 2003

constantly not ceasing
by Lauren D'Auria

my heart is at the point of seeking more impartation and wisdom of the Lord.
i gotta keep my eyes like a dove.
i need to see that you get the honor that you deserve God,
and that Jesus receives the reward for his suffering.
what i do in my free time determines my destiny.
i want to be on my face at your feet.
constant state of worship before my one and only.