23 December 2008

'you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute'
-for one more day

Dc is my city. this is something Ive been having to remind myself of lately. for the first few months i felt like i was on a really long vacation. i have realized that i tend to do this when i move. when i moved to Richmond for college it took me years to fall in love with the city, and same with when i went to study abroad in Florence Italy. my adventurous spirit, even if i wouldn't want to admit it, freezes up when i feel like i am settling down somewhere, or when i feel like i have awhile to get to know the place. so ive been wrestling over whether dc is not for me or if I'm just not giving it a chance. maybe its both and maybe i wont be here forever- but i know for certain that i am here for a reason. i am meant to learn something. i am meant to be out of my comfort zone at this time in my life.

this is a definite transition time for me. when Stephanie and i were driving into Richmond the other day she asked me how it felt to come back. it felt like it wasn't my home anymore. i miss Richmond and how well i knew the city, how i could go anywhere and see multiple ppl i knew, how i could hang out w different ppl or do different things depending on how i felt that day- but its different now. of course i still feel welcomed and have fun when i go there but its no longer my home. that time in my life is over.

when i moved to dc i moved here with high hopes. and those hopes have not failed me yet. there are ppl i walk by everyday or that roam the streets of this city that can teach me something. that i can teach. i have been too narrow minded and comparative of dc to Richmond. but dc is different. i can not look at it as better or worse then anywhere else. i am just in the process of finding out what it is that ppl love about it here and what about it I'm going to love.

dc is growing on me. I'm slowly learning how to get around. not as intimidated by the grid system. i am still looking for a gay friendly church. looking for someone to talk to that understands my situation. someone that's gone through what i have in my head for so long. still looking for the answers to a lot of questions. my whole life everything has just happened for me. i never really had to make an effort with anything. now i feel like i do. and its a good thing. its going to force me to grow up. to be more responsible with my own outcome.

it is my decision how my life turns out. it is up to me whether i am going to remain a waitress my whole life or break out of my creative slump and be who i really am. my potential is great because i have seen it. but over the years i have been digging a hole and became more and more insecure. but my life is not over! it is just beginning and every minute counts. Stephanie has helped me realize a lot of this. she is my biggest encouragement. she believes in me. she sees what i don't see. she is my vision right now. she is my love. i have found her and now i need to find myself.

06 December 2008

there are all these abandoned buildings in this over grown lot next to the US National Arboretum on New York ave. we pass it a lot and Stephanie has been wanting to sneak in to see about uncovering any information about what it used to be. She always imagined it as a haunted secret government facility. we planned on going multiple times but we finally did yesterday. as soon as we drove up i saw that it was only fenced in from the road and that we could walk right in around back. we parked in the deserted parking lot and of course one of the employees was driving into the site simultaneously. so we contemplated on waiting until he left or just asking if we could take pictures. my idea being the second- as we were walking up he stopped to tell us that no one is allowed onto the property for safety reasons and that we would be escorted if caught. so what did we do...Stephanie's idea- we waited until he drove away and ran in!

it was a rush walking firmly through the ins and outs of the whole place taking pictures like i was doing an illegal national geographic shoot. there was a main building, that looked like a jail, facing the rest of the round smaller buildings. that building was all boarded up but each round building had two gated entrances. they were now being used to store, unexpectedly, shopping carts and no parking signs. one building had a long row of what looked like barred cages where they could have stored large animals. and last but not least there was a silo. the first thing that came to my mind was a concentration camp. it was creepy.

so after we got back to the house i decided to call the arboretum and ask them if they knew anything about it besides that they were now using it to collect waste. it turns out to be the site of a "historic brickyard" started in 1909-1910, becoming one of more than 100 large and small brick makers then located in the Washington, D.C. area. Exploited black laborers at the Federal Brickyards organized into a group referred to as Isaac Cohen's Brotherhood of Labor in 1878 and successfully agitated for higher wages.

02 December 2008

just so stories

when i moved to dc we decided to start our very own 'found' book. things we find on the street. notes, pictures, anything. something ive always wanted to do. we found this book in asheville at the 'book exchange' , this giant warehouse of free books. any one can walk in and take whatever they want. it found me.

we found 5 dollars on the street one day. that didnt make it into the book. we bought lotto tickets. but we didnt win bc i didnt listen to stephanie and get scratch off tickets. bc if i did we would be rollin in the (gluten-free) dough right now.

other things that didnt make it in but that we put up on our bulletin:
a plastic heart
a plastic army man.
stephanie spray painted a leaf silver.

many more to come.
this keeps us more aware of the little things around us.

30 November 2008

tis the season
we just couldnt help ourselves!
chop down a christmas tree

28 November 2008


last night after a wonderful thanksgiving dinner w Stephanie and her family, Stephanie and I decided to go to our favorite movie theater, at E st, to see Milk. It is the story of California's first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk, a San Francisco supervisor who was assassinated along with Mayor George Moscone by San Francisco Supervisor Dan White.

The film was very emotional and encouraging. It really made me realize how lucky i am to have been born into a time where i am free to be open and not patronized for being gay. of course there is a lot more progress that has to be made to completely overcome the prejudice but we have made such great strides bc of men like Harvey Milk who took the initiative to fight for his rights and bring together ppl to shamelessly rally, protest, and stand up for who they are.

It also showed me that it is never too late to make a change or do something to be proud of with your life. never give up, and always be excited about who you are and what we can accomplish in this part of history. all of us were born into this generation for a reason and it is good to be alive.

24 November 2008

every morning the old man that lives across the street sifts through the grocery cart he stores in his front yard. i don't know the reason, but it intrigues me more each day that i see him. does he get up early to push it around the neighborhood collecting cans- or is it something more interesting? what is he looking for?

the woman next door to our right has a Pomeranian named angel. her and Lady have become very fond of each other- running back and forth along the fence. even though she thinks its acceptable to plant silk flowers- she has had the neatest lawn on the block this fall; she makes her son rake every other day it seems. her yard is not grass- only clovers. there is also an umbrella carrying frog in the middle. there must be a 4-leaf clover in there somewhere, and sometimes i think about sneaking over to find it.

the family to our left is a younger bunch. there are always kids on their front porch- who knows which ones actually live there. but thanks to our thin walls we get to listen in on their arguments along w the bass on their stereos. the mother seems to always be yelling at someone. the husband tried to get our roommate to sleep with him.

our house also lies on one side of a 'speed bump' so we get the pleasure of watching and hearing ppl bottom out their cars every few minutes.

ive gotten to know the familiar faces around here. every night when i walk to work i see the same homeless ppl. they don't ask me for change any more. we just smile and say hello to each other like its been years. my favorite is the older light skinned black man in the wheel chair w blue eyes. i wonder what his story is.

17 November 2008

“ There are always connections between people, things to admire in people, trust that goes unnoticed, small kindnesses, shared silences. There is always so much to see, and there is always so much to feel. ”
Asia writes love letters

06 November 2008

what an amazing time to be alive. we have made history and im glad to be apart of it. so proud of virginia for going blue for the first time in 44 years! even though i didnt get to vote i saw the whole thing through. i got to go with stephanie and connect the arrows and they even gave me an i voted sticker :) later, a bunch of us went to sticky rice to watch the victory unfold on the big screen. it was an exciting night and the streets of dc were full of happy riots. we drank and cheered and celebrated for this change we greatly need for our country. and what a lot of ppl never thought possible - happened. and it happened by a landslide. the next day everyone was smiling. there has been a shift in the atmosphere full of joy, full of relief. (we're camping out for the inauguration)

04 November 2008

last night was one of my favorite nights w you. i could smell the winter creeping up on us. i was imagining all the places we will go, as each plane flew overhead. holding your hand makes me feel safe. it makes me feel loved. and when we sat on the edge of the dock, us 3, it felt complete.

and no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

27 October 2008

its been a week since i mailed my absentee ballot application and i had yet to receive my ballot. so i waited for the mail to come today hoping it would arrive and it didnt so i called Richmond city to inquire about where it might be. after they got all my information to look me up in the computer she sadly informed me that i was not found, that i was not registered. she told me that i have to re-register every two years (and the last day to register was oct6). is this true? because as of now i offcially can NOT vote!

ill cry

22 October 2008


so much faster and more fun then my cruiser
thanks craigslist

21 October 2008

the mysterious beast kitten

i got a new job at another restaurant. and me Stephanie lined up our schedules so that we both have Sunday through Tuesday off. so last week we decided to go camping. it was quite the adventure. we got off to a late start and drove out to West Virginia, right near Harper's ferry, in the mountains at an old civil war grounds. we arrived around 8 and the sun had already set. this was Lady's first camping trip- and she was 'on high alert' as Stephanie would say. we set up the tent that Laney just gave me, luckily it is a tiny two person tent that only has two poles. after we collected wood for the fire, we came back and while we were cooking dinner on the camp stove was when we saw 'it'- the mysterious beast. it was a white animal of some sorts and from far away we couldn't tell how big it was- but my first thought went back to the guy at the camp office who told us there were a lot of stray cats. Stephanie had a different idea and lady was definitely getting really flustered. so Stephanie collected rocks to throw for our defense and we continued w our meal and s'mores. after we cleaned everything up Stephanie said, 'you think we should make a bed in the car just in case?" which meant- 'lets sleep in the car.' soooo that's what we did. and sooner or later 'it' came back. lady saw it right away and started shaking and growling in her cute little scared way, not even brave enough to bark. it circled the camp and made its way to the picnic table. i flashed my lights so that i could try and make out what it was and just laughed as it ran away bc it was small and had long white hair w a black face. house cat. maybe possum but definitely not a scary mountain cat. lady eventually calmed down and we all fell asleep.

the morning came quick and i was hoping 'it' was going to come back so i could prove true but of course not. after we broke down the tent we decided to go into the town of Harper's ferry which ended up being probably one of the cutest tiny historical towns I've ever seen. we were followed by swarms of gnats. hopefully not bc we smelled but bc the town was infested w them for some odd reason. we snuck threw someones yard to wander around the graveyard and walked the whole town. those kind of towns are so beautiful and intricate but the ppl are probably just as narrow (minded) as the streets. just might be lynched at the town hall for being gay. but we did leave w having an amazing pulled pork sandwich and some pumpkin/vanilla custard.

20 October 2008

i rode my new bike down to union station to mail off my absentee ballot application form. this election is very important. please vote. (unless you plan on voting for mccain, then dont bother)

what a nightmare

17 October 2008

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” -Dr. Seuss

16 October 2008

"Oh God I'm Gay is a new weekly audio podcast with host Alicia Ross introducing you to a variety of accomplished community and spiritual leaders from all different faiths, backgrounds, and points of view. She aims to gain insight into their unique spiritual journeys while exploring relevant social issues that affect the LGBT community."

this is obviously something that haunts me. not necessarily in a bad way but its something that i has been a constant battle for me in my head. just the way i have been told to think for so long. and going through a phase of trying to run from my convictions- but i know that God is not someone i can hide from. but at the same time i will not deny my homosexuality. so the dichotomy remains and will remain. this podcast will help me hear from ppl in the ministry or that are living a spiritual life and are gay. ppl that went through the same thing i am. hopefully ill be able to find someone in dc that i can meet w in person. spiritual counseling is something i kind of crave right now

15 October 2008

lots of thought has been provoked. there is more then one reason why i moved to dc.

i have a lot of free time right now. one- because i just have one job right now that is giving me only 1-3 shifts a week. and two- bc i dont know that many ppl around here yet. but i think there is a reason for this season in my life. to really face myself and my thoughts. this is more then scary. all my insecurities surface when i am not able to distract myself. im really lucky to have stephanie to encourage me through this.

just finished this the other day. amazing book. it follows the story of a 9 y/o boy whos dad died in sept 11th. the boy finds a key in his dads room and makes it his goal to find out what the key opens. those who love the movie everything is illuminated need to read this book. (i have yet to read the novel that inspired it but am planning on it very soon- bc the book is always better then the movie) it is the latest book by the same author. such a detailed writer. the book really makes you want to keep reading and even has pictures!

this book is a series of essays. some are good some failed to hold my attention, but in general it's a pretentious but funny book. he does make some very good points about pop culture that's for sure.

this is my current read. it is written one of my favorite authors, who also wrote Tuesdays with Morrie and five people you meet in heaven. the first few chapters leave me very intrigued.

even though i hate the cold i am excited to fall back into hibernation for the winter and get caught up in lots of books. I'm not gonna buy my scooter till the spring bc i know ill neglect it. plus i have been enjoying my 6 block walk to the bus stop and effortless $1.35 ride to work.

10 October 2008


Montreal was indeed as endearing as id imagined and crossing the border was very 'ex'citing. even tho a french speaking midget did not greet us at the door of our hostel, everything else was quite perfect. we had our own little key to our own private little wooden gypsy caravan. it was just the right size for us. we got an unlimited metro card to freely tote us around for 6 days. and we went everywhere. we saw every part of the city and the part we stayed in, the old city, was by far my favorite. the whole city is very European feeling, besides the fact that everyone speaks french. the streets are narrow and lead to lots of intriguing alleys. its a place i could see us living. i liked the juxtaposed feeling of similarity amongst newness and variety. the feeling of being in another country but yet being close to home. (i don't like that there isn't an additional stamp in my passport.)

29 September 2008


Hot Chip
You Say Party! We Say Die!
Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds
Black Kids
Brazilian Girls
Julie Doiron
The Dears
Burt Bacharach
Laura Marling

Montreal awaits us. we are catching the greyhound tonight. stopping for a 6am breakfast in new york and off to Canada! it will be my first time visiting this french speaking city. we are staying in a hostel in the old city, and getting a private room that is supposed to resemble a gypsy caravan. we will eat crepes and see the city by day, and go to shows and wander the streets holding hands by night. yes- quite romantic. the bugs will bite.

note to self:
bring ryan back some sand

25 September 2008

life is amazing and has been flowing so smoothly lately. (minus the 3 parking tickets i got w in the last 2 weeks)

me and stephanie were going on two and a half months driving back and forth between richmond and dc to see each other and we are finally in the same city and loving every second of it! when i got back from seattle i spent a few days in richmond to say my goodbyes, packed my life into my SUV and headed north to my new home- washington dc.

im considering this move a new start, a fresh start to a lot of different areas in my life. new people, new scenery, a new city to discover. ideas are being thrown around for zines and art projects. i left 3 restaurant jobs in richmond behind and got a job right away at this brand new french fusion restaurant called 1905. (2 of the same owners as sticky rice dc). im a server and stephanie is workin in the kitchen. (baby is real busy workin two jobs! but we are gonna try and get on the same sched)

today i am going to start using the good ol' city bus until i get my scooter. next week we leave for montreal!

here are some pictures of our new room. we love our house and living w wendy, and of course living w lady!

05 September 2008

01 September 2008

good try

so Sept 1st was the day i was supposed to move to Seattle. these plans were pleasantly changed but i decided to go ahead and book a return flight and go on a little vacation.
as you may or may not know- i travel quite a bit and it has never been a problem for me. the 1 1/2 hour flight to Atlanta and the 4 hour flight to Seattle are a breeze compared to the two 24 hr flights Ive taken back and forth to Asia twice in one summer. today was a little different.
my flight was scheduled to leave at 1148am and i was planning on rolling out of bed at 10 and arriving at Richmond international around 1030 w plenty of time. Stephanie came in to town to see me one last time before we would be separated for 9 days. me, her, Jenna and Kate just spent a relaxing night in watching Indian films and eating late night pizza. no harm right?
unfortunately me and Stephanie were hit with what we think was food poisoning, waking up extremely nauseous around 8am and spending our remaining hours together next to the toilet. we made it to the airport and parked the car around 1045 and attempted to walk only a few feet before we both thought we were gonna pass out. Stephanie walked back to sit down for a second and ended up throwing up and i followed right behind. sucks for the owner of the vomit splashed Tahoe SUV to the left of us along with my brand new river club slip on shoes that have an unintentional light orange pattern across the tops.
i got to the check in counter just in time to board my flight and thought that since i had thrown up that everything would be fine. just in case, when i got on the plane i warned the flight attendants of how i was feeling and asked for some crackers and ginger ale to calm my stomach.
luckily i got an entire row to myself and was able to lay all the way across w a blanket to keep me warm. thirty minutes before landing in Atlanta it hit me- i started feeling lightheaded and hit the flight attendant call button, for the 3rd time, to ask for some water and help to the bathroom. good thing because i made it barely out of my seat before i passed out and woke up with 4 people over top of me asking my name along with small talk to make sure i was ok. they put an oxygen mask on me for the remainder of the trip and made sure i knew everything was going to be ok and that my flight would be rebooked free of charge.
when we reached the terminal the EMT was waiting for me. they checked my blood pressure and temperature and told me they would recommend taking me to the hospital to get further checked. still queasy, i told them i wanted to go ahead on to Seattle. next they pricked my finger to check my blood sugar. i started getting really lightheaded again and passed out soon after but this time it was worse. i wasn't unconscious but i could barely see and i couldn't walk or even keep my head up. so the EMT made the decision for me that i was going to the hospital. so they wheeled me out to the ambulance, lifted me up onto a stretcher and hooked me up to an IV and liquids. it was official- i was not going to Seattle tonight.
when i got to the hospital i was feeling a little bit better but still really weak. they had to take my blood, take a urine test, they put those circle heart monitor stickers all over me, took two xrays of my chest, and i felt like, at such a young age, i was falling apart. i was in the hospital room for close to 4 hours before i was discharged. i was alone and there were times i had no idea what was going on- if i was gonna be sent back to Richmond or given the ok to go on to Seattle. but even though i was there by myself i felt very loved with everyone back home checking up on me every hour. and everything ended up ok. they gave me a voucher for a free cab ride back to the airport. the lady at the check in desk was very understanding of what had happened and recommended i stay in a hotel for the night and fly out in the morning. so that's exactly what i did. country inn. Seattle, ill see you tomorrow. my trip is gonna be fucking amazing after having to deal with all this! and add another 'ridiculous place to pass out' onto my list.

29 August 2008

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have a paradise in a few years.

Bertrand Russell

14 August 2008

i was talking with Stephanie last night about the end of the world and what that necessarily means. the world, evolution, and how humanity relates or is effecting it.

its like the big hype these days to think that the end of the world is going to come in our lifetime. bc we are "killing our planet". but why do we think that we have this power to kill the earth? why do we think we are so special that we are gonna witness this defeat?

we were talking about how if the world was around millions of years before us -why would it all of a sudden just be gone so instantly? humanity as we know it is a blink of an eye in the time this earth has seen and i doubt it will ever come to an end- but maybe we are turning the earth into an environment that we can no longer evolve or adapt to fast enough to survive it. she brought up that maybe we are like a disease that the earth is gonna fight off. it will send out its white blood cells and kill us in order for itself to survive.

maybe the end of the world is not a literal thing but is actually the end of our survival as people upon it. bc we tend to think the world revolves around our existence anyways. if we are gonna be around during the grand finale then hell yea but i doubt it. i mean maybe we are one of millions of waves of people that have reigned our planet. and just as societies have fallen, the earth has fought 'us' off before. life fights to exist and the earth puts up w it long enough to fight it off again and again.

this makes me think about what our purpose really is. Stephanie mentioned that maybe 'the end of the world' theories were created so that ppl will actually wake up and live life w passion, w desire to dream big, have goals and see them come to fruition.

live. don't waste your time on petty things.

11 August 2008

bestfriends day

Friday, August 15th-

Scavenger Hunt: Begins at Chop Suey Books at 1 pm. Sign up starts at 12:30. We have enough room for 20 teams of 4. Bring a bike if you have one, it will make the day easier. The winning team gets into Hadad's for free. Cameras are necessary! All scavenger hunt participants get into Alley Katz before anyone else.

Alley Katz: The 1st official BFD show! Doors at 6 pm. ALL AGES. Your mind will be blown by Municipal Waste (Waste ‘em All line-up), Paint it Black, Quadiliacha, Caustic Christ, Brutal Knights, and Religious As Fuck. NO BAGS. NO PETS. $10.

Saturday, August 16th, 12-8:

HADAD'S!!! We have rented the entire park for BFD, so be prepared for the most amazing day on water since Jesus walked over it. Since we have the park, we're going to have the following bands playing, starting at 1 pm: Ultra Dolphins, Brainworms, Cannibis Corpse, Polka Madre, ApeShit, Environmental Youth Crunch, Shellshag, NO B.S. Brass Band, Gull, And DJ’s. It's only $15 for the day! That is only $3 more than you will pay any other boring day when all you have to listen to is Keith Urban and line-dance songs. NO GLASS. NO PETS. FOOD FOR GRILLING. MONEY FOR VENDORS.

Sunday, August 17th, 1-7 pm

The Bike Lot: Plan to see Armalite, This Bike is a Pipe Bomb, Cloak/Dagger, Lemuria, MouthBreather, and the always brutal Lucha Libre.

Bring a bike to ride the ramp. Bring money to buy food from Nate's Taco stand. But don't bring pets or glass. For real. $5.


07 August 2008


love each other to the fullest, and live "YOUR LIFE",
don't let anyone put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.
Love always,

05 August 2008

What was happening was happening to us both. I believe it is always so, mutual and, at least at first, equally intense, if it is genuine involveness. The actual thing- involveness- requires something like a spark leaping back and forth from one to the other becoming more intense every moment, love building up like voltage in a coil. Here there is no sound of one hand clapping. Unreciprocated love is something else, not geniune involveness, I think: perhaps it is infatuation or a mixture of affection and sexual attraction for being in love. But when the "real thing" happens, there is no doubt. A man in the jungle at night, as someone said, may suppose a hyena's growl to be a lion's; but when he hears the lion's growl, he knows damn well it's a lion. So with the geniune involveness. A sudden glory.

a severe mercy
sheldon vanauken

04 August 2008

QUIXOTIC: kwik - sah' - tik. ( adjective ) hopelessly idealistic, impractically romantic, dreamy, utopian. swept up in the romance and pursuit of impractical goals; wildly visionary, fantastically optimistic, mad, poetic, starry - eyed, in the clouds.


01 August 2008

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you

26 July 2008

take this bread

at the heart of Christianity is a power that continues to speak to and transform us.

what i found wasn't about angels or going to church or trying to be 'good' in a pious, idealized way. it wasn't about arguing a doctrine-- the virgin birth, predestination, the sinfulness of homosexuality and divorce-- or pledging blind allegiance to a denomination. i was, as the prophet said, hungering and thirsting for righteousness. i discovered a religion rooted in the most ordinary yet subversive practice: a dinner table where everyone is welcome, where the despised and outcasts are honored.

i just knew i wanted to experience meaning and connection

what i heard, and continue to hear, is a voice that can crack religious and political convictions open , that advocates for the least qualified, least official, least likely; that upsets the established order an makes a joke of certainty. it proclaims against reason that the hungry will be fed, that those cast down will be raised up, and that all things , including my own failures, are being made new. it offers food without exception to the worth and unworthy, the screwed up and pious, and then commands everyone to do the same. it doesn't promise to solve or erase suffering but to transform it, pledging that by loving one another, even through pain, we will find more life.

faith, for me, isn't an argument, a catechism, a philosophical 'proof.' it is instead a lens, a way of experiencing life and a willingness to act.
as the Bible says: taste and see.

sara miles

21 July 2008

how dare i

i thought that i had my head wrapped around God. i thought that it was final- that if i was gonna choose happiness and accept myself as a lesbian then that meant pushing away from God. but I'm realizing that this is far from the case bc i believe that He still loves me. the devil has deceived me and used, believe it or not, the church and some of my close Christian friends to lead me astray- to push me away from Him. to believe He was a cruel father who turned His back on me bc of my lifestyle.

i came out last summer and i knew it was a big decision. the catch 22 in my head was- either living a miserable unsatisfied life so that i can live a supposed 'holy Christian' life and go to heaven- or being satisfied and accepting of who i really am w the chance that i might go to hell for it. but who says that either one of these has to be the right or wrong way? i have been so conflicted about this that i simply made myself stop thinking about it completely. but its funny how every so often God will remind me that He is still there. that He is waiting for me.

my girlfriend, Stephanie, has really helped me to begin processing all of this again. she reminded me how important it is to me. she shined a new light on something that came out of my own mouth. i said that it hurt me even to think about hurting my own father and how i compared that to how i might be hurting the heart of God. and she said 'but what did your father say to you when you told him you were a lesbian? he said 'whatever makes you happy makes me happy.' and that's exactly it. that's what i need to realize. bc i have allowed ppl to tell me what to think for far too long.

but what does God think? if He created me in his own image then everything about me is exactly how He wanted me to be. so how dare i believe anything different. this is my journey. this is my quest. to renew my relationship with Him. to accept myself and to accept that He accepts me. i don't want to remain numb to Him. however long it takes and however hard it might be, im up for the challenge. i don't like things that come easy. it has more value to me when i have to work for the things that matter.

so i guess it is a coincidence that i have kept the name dove eyes- bc they have been waiting to see Him again. ill never think about covering my tattoo again.

20 July 2008

we often need to be reminded.
this is what life is about.
this is a beautiful thing.

19 July 2008

(all we have is) now

know hope.

the way a song stays in your head.

the way you think life should be. how anything holds your attention. how your past goes with you into every day of your future.


17 July 2008

in the back of my mind i am waiting for one phone call.

i'm on the closest bench reading, trying to at least... this constant breeze is a cause for distraction. i cant seem to get through one sentence with out being interrupted by small pink petals falling from the tree above me as they tickle my arm and decorate my hair. my legs are crossed onto a chair and i catch myself staring at the shadows dancing on them. in the corners of my eyes there is motion in all directions and a tiny red spider ventures through my arm hair...now i feel itchy.

09 July 2008

Love is the longing for the half of ourselves we have lost

He suddenly recalled the famous myth from Plato's Symposium: People were hermaphrodites until God split them in two, and now all the halves wander the world over seeking one another.

Let us suppose that such is the case, that somewhere in the world each of us has a partner who once formed part of our body.

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being

05 July 2008