30 November 2004

the response poem i wrote in class today to the juxtaposition series of photo's titled 'democracy'

stilettoed toddler
by lauren d'auria

i think experience
i am experience
beauty is ashes
the helmet is loose
not yet grown into
sits tiled and held on by
the chin strap of trust

my 7 year old sister wearing
my mom's bra and high heels
embracing what she
does not fit into

the youth drawn into it
called forth to grow up
before their time
to live with out
the knowledge confronting
the naive

kids under the law
called to die
for those who set them

authorities arm holds the gun
as the baby rests upon it
pointing at the cross eyed
albino statue of liberty
with her politically correct crown

they stand protecting what has
yet to be soiled
like i seek to protect the words
yet to be spoken
frightened by ongoing battles
always begun from within

is it true that
the harder you squint
the faster your
prayers are answered?

the unnatural union of two men
holds the next generation
baby distracted by the soldier's
two foot feather hat
reminds her of her mother's
unusually hairy arm
a guy was preaching about how there are so many people dying every day and going to hell and we dont even give a shit. then he said "and the sad thing is- you are more upset about me saying shit then about those people dying and going to hell"

29 November 2004


drift away 4:04 Christa black
I'm Not Ready 5:18 Cool Hand Luke
Letters & Drawings 5:25 Damien Jurado
Volcano 4:38 Damien Rice
Ain't That A Kick In The Head 2:24 Dean Martin
you cant always get what you want 7:35 Def leppard
Caught By The River 5:55 Doves
Still Running 2:34 Eastmountainsouth
Switching Off 5:04 Elbow
Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid 4:18 Elefant
Funeral For A Friend (Love Lies Bleeding) 11:08 Elton John
Wonderful Tonight 3:39 Eric clapton
Reach out I'll be there 3:01 Four Tops
Let Go 4:13 Frou Frou
Pretend You're Alive 5:11 Lovedrug
Amour Fou 4:34 Vetiver

" there's a touch of vanity in the holiest of men and women. they see no reason to deny it. and they know that reality bites back if it isnt respected. when i get honest, i admit i am a bundle of paradoxes. i believe and i doubt, i hope and i get discouraged, i love and i hate, i feel bad about feeling good, i feel guilty about not feeling guilty. i am trusting and suspicious. i am honest and i still play games. Aristotle said i am a rational animal. to live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. in admiting my shadow side i learn who i am and what God's grace means. as Thomas Merton put it, 'a saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God.'
we have the power to believe where others deny, to hope where others despair, to love where others hurt. this and so much more is sheer gift; it is not reward for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer. even our fidelity is a gift. 'if we but turn to God,' said St. Augustine, 'that itself is a gift of God.' my deepest awareness of myself is that i am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and i have dont nothing to earn it or deserve it."
-brennan manning (ragamuffin gospel)

27 November 2004

thanksgiving break was filled with:
-sushi with family
-my dad got me a bootleg of napoleon dynamite
-seeing bridget jones the edge of reason with sister
-my puppy's new sweater
-my sister stealing my car
-target with sister
-my favorite marna
-help mom make pumpkin bread
-mom dancing
-cousin's getting driver's permits
-sunsets over the ocean
-watching rudolf the rednosed reindeer staring hermey the dentist, with mommy
-attempting to see finding neverland- get there and sold out
-watching saved with mommy
-watching bridget jones diary on tv w/ mommy

way too many movies and my first exposure to laguna beach. lots of time with my lovely family who i dont get to spend nearly enough time with.

now its time to come back to reality- had to work tonight and school monday- blah

ragamuffin revelation
romans 5:20- where sin abounded grace much more abounded; so, just as sin reigned whereever there was death, so grace will reign to bring eternal life thanks to the righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ our Lord.

"and though it is true that the church must always dissociate itself from sin, it can never have any excuses for keeping any sinners at a distance." -Huns Kung

so basically what i realized through this is that when i or you go to a place where sinners are, a party, etc. there is great sin abounding, but if it is true that where sin abounds, grace has to much more abound then that means if you are the one and only christian in a situation then you are the designated gracebearer of God!- the one who will bring eternal life, salvation, through the righteousness of Jesus- not mine or yours. so in order for this verse to be proven true- my authority in Christ at that party, my influence is much greater then theirs is on me. if not then it is b/c i or you do not believe it to be true.

press on

25 November 2004

22 November 2004

"everything that the pencil says is erasable, unlike our voices, whose words are black and permanent, smudging our lives like coal dust, unlike our memories, etched like a skyline against the mind, unlike our irretrievable deeds...the pencil spills everything, and then takes everything back." -charles wright


A Minor Incident 3:44 Badly Drawn Boy
Hey Jude 7:02 The Beatles
yoga 5:07 Bjork
Blue Tears 4:54 The Black Heart Procession
Build a Fire 3:39 Blue
Forever Young 4:56 Bob Dylan
Redemption Song 3:47 Bob Marley & The Wailers
A Perfect Sonnet 3:41 Bright Eyes
Video killed the Radio Star 3:22 Buggles
Givin Up 3:37 The Darkness
Time Away 5:11 Denali
Bedshaped 4:38 Keane
somebody told me 3:35 The killers
No More 4:13 matt pond PA
life in mono 3:48 Mono
As The Days Go By 4:18 Talking Heads
Luna Sea 4:17 Vetiver
Moons And Horror Shows 2:36 The Zutons

21 November 2004

our bikes are so hot

andddd i got my camera self timer to work! look how pumped i am! no really i am excited

19 November 2004

hot diggidy dog

parts from the divine partnership
by mike bickle

"There is a divine partnership in beholding and becoming men and women after God's heart. God has a role and we have a role. God will not do our part for us. We can't do God's part for Him. Our responsibility is to fill our minds with the truth of God's personality - to gaze upon Him as David did. God's promise in return is to supernaturally change our emotions. This is the Kingdom of God's division of labor. We change our minds and God changes our hearts (meaning our emotions)...
You may have discovered in this life that you don't have the power to change your emotions directly. You can't say, "Joy!" and elicit joy from your soul. You can't demand, "Gladness, rise up within me now!" It'll never happen. You might get a jolt of adrenaline, but long-lasting emotions are not awakened by determination. That's God's part of the division of labor, and it's a supernatural work of the Spirit in us. But here's the good news: all our emotions are linked to thoughts or ideas. Correct thoughts about God bring wonderful emotions. This is why the truth sets us free (Jn. 8:32). You can indirectly change your emotions by flooding your thoughts with the truth about God...
But there is much more to this principle than clamping down on ourselves and staying away from bad things. Your mind is not renewed primarily by staying away from bad things, but by filling your mind with the truth about God. You don't need better sin-avoidance techniques but a new vision of what God's heart looks like. Flowing from that vision will be a new vision of what you look like to God. When I fill my mind with what God's emotions look like, I experience new dimensions of grace to stay away from the 'bad things.'...
you can't become until you behold. Becoming is good, but God's sequence says we must behold the reality within His heart. Then He does His part and awakens joy and peace and all the rest within us.
If you want passion or love for God then fill your time and your mind with the revelation of God's passion and love for you. It is uncomplicated, but few people actually live out this revelation.
Our view of God's emotions changes everything within our own emotions. Gazing upon God's soul gives us spiritual information, not neutral information. It's powerful, full of life-changing energy. When that information hits a sincere spirit like yours or mine, a slow-motion explosion occurs inside us. It's orchestrated by the Holy Spirit. It doesn't happen in one day but incrementally. We may take three steps forward and two steps back in the process of being renewed, yet over time, our emotions are transformed and our heart is awakened.
Declare war on any area of compromise in your life. You may stumble in that area, but if you are sincerely warring against it, you will still gain ground.
After all, the flowing heart is what empowers us to get free from besetting sin. God doesn't require that we be free from all struggle before He releases His power in our hearts. Just the opposite; the power of God helps us get free. I am not suggesting that we are free to disobey God until our emotions change. It is the wisdom of God and the will of God that we obey Him when we don't feel like it. I believe in obedience when I don't feel like obeying. When I'm depressed and feeling horrible, I still need to obey God.
We must cultivate confidence in God's affection towards us even when we stumble. If we lack this confidence then we close our spirit toward Jesus. We cultivate condemnation and self-accusation, and that makes it impossible to grow.
The revelation that God enjoys you in your weakness transforms you. In my experience, this is the hardest revelation for people to enter into and the place on the spiritual journey where most people stall and stop. The reason? We will never enjoy God more than our revelation of God enjoying us in our weakness.
Then another miraculous thing happens: we begin to enjoy ourselves. You begin to like you. You prefer to be yourself over any other person on Earth. This is a revolutionary change for most people. A woman prayed earnestly, "Lord I want to love my neighbor like I love myself." The Lord surprised her with His answer: "That's the problem - you do. You despise yourself; therefore, you despise your neighbor."

18 November 2004

doesnt sallie look snazzy on the night her super 8 film got into flicker 33?

we're friends and if you make us angry we'll puff right up like mrs puff on sponge bob square pants

17 November 2004

the newest most addicting thing

add me


14 November 2004

this past week was one of my favorites.
monday: skipped class to go to muse/zutons
tuesday: photo shoot with luli
wednesday: sorrella note. me and chubbis went to an india music concert, the ethos percussion group. they were amazing. then we went to eat and back to her dorm to chill and do homework.
thursday: bike ride night w/ luli, alyssa, and sarah. then came back and put my hair into plant shape
friday: me, erin and alyssa bought little kids bikes which we named old women names (henrietta, blanch, and mauve). blanch is mineee. i named it after blue's car. we went to 821 cafe for dinner (which none of us had ever been to) and the 'big love' theatrical play that vcu is puttin on this semester w/ luli, erin, allyssah, emily and rachel. then after we went to a party to visit my sister
saturday: family day! my parents came in town and them and my sis and i went shopping all day and had dinner at firebird.

i need to cut my nails

Who you are speaks so loudly, I can't hear what you're saying.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

10 November 2004

muse was last night!!! holy freakin crap they were ridiculously amazing. i really cant even explain how awe shocked i am. flabergasted. me, andrew, zach, and phil left around 2 from richmond and got to DC around 430. zach and timothy were really excited. we went to eat [i went to the jamacian restaurant and got a vegtable roti and a malt soda] andrew and zach got chinese and then andrew stopped to think about how we were about to go see muse play. then we walked around...ya know, ofcourse we stopped at 'up against the wall' ha. we went to star bucks and endulged on hot drinks and waited our time of waiting in line to get into 930 club. when we finally got in we went right up to the balcony over looking the stage b/c we decided it was better to watch then experience the sweaty pits and crowds. we ran into our friends vinny and steven. the first band was the zutons and we heard they were horrible but they surprised us and actually were very very good. muse came on at 10 and played all the way until midnight. their whole set (monitors, amps, keyboard stand, drums, main electric guitar) was crome and the lights were intense. they also had matching pinstripe outfits on. the keyboard stand was light sensitive to the keys that matthew played. the bass player, chris, had more pettles then matthew. they played mainly stuff from their new cd but some old stuff too. we loved how they didnt care about the audience at all but were all about the music. i hate when bands rant on when we didnt come to hear them talk anyways. after they played we sat down for a few minutes with jaws dropped repeating, "wow" over and over as we all stood in agreement that it was the best live show we have ever been blessed to sit in on. the rest of the pictures from the show are here.

09 November 2004

"live a life with fear of missing an opportunity, not messing it up" -chip bueler


eleanor rigby 2:04 the Beatles
I'm A Cuckoo 5:26 Belle & Sebastian
Fatale And Futique 5:14 Brazil
dust in the wind 3:31 Daughter Darling
Easy Tonite 4:14 Five For Fighting
These Are The Days 3:22 Jamie Cullum
Futures 3:58 Jimmy Eat World
Cathedrals 3:57 Jump Little Children
Into Dust 5:36 Mazzy Star
Freedom Fighters 3:44 The Music
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (DDR style) 6:57 The Postal Service
Trouble 4:00 Ray Lamontagne
here i am (acoustic) 4:08 Seven On Monday
Pink Bullets 3:53 The Shins
Reelin In The Years 4:37 Steely Dan
Stuck in the Middle With You 3:24 Steve Miller Band
The Dress Looks Nice On You 2:34 Sufjan Stevens
In The Waiting Line 4:31 Zero 7

06 November 2004

thursday after me and my sisters lab partner fun in science class we went over to laney's vintage clothes party. on the way we took various serious modeling pictures. i didnt end up getting any clothes but vicki, one of roomates got this sweet dress! and we tryed to talk matt into getting this sweater vest but he wasnt as convinced that it was perfect on him. then after we ate our pizza in secret in the back room a bunch of us went and hung out in the hall and talked about bringing back the work 'queef' (hahha i know sick) but you have to say it in a way that makes no since at all. for example: "man, we had a queef of a good time!" etc.
since i hadnt figured out how to change my resolution yet i only could take about 20 or so pictures but go here and click on 'amici' to see the rest of them.

last night after work i met up w/ bunch of friends to see napolian dynamite at byrd (our 2 dollar theater). then i came back to emily/laney/erin/allysah/amy's house and watched fear factor, sponge bob, talked to emily for a long time and fell asleep on allysah's awesome couch. in the middle of night i woke up for a minute and smiled b/c someone but a blank on me. today allysah told me it was her :happy: i love my friends.

its been good to get away from sitting online for awhile.