"allow yourself to fail. addressing your real need is no guarantee that your out-of-control behavior will disappear. many people who address the real issue underneath a self-boundary problem are often disappointed that the problem keeps recurring. no. the recurrence of destructive patterns is the evidence of God's sanctifying, maturing , and preparing us for eternity. we need to continue to practice to learn things. the same process that we use to learn to drive a car is the one we use for learning better self-boundaries. we need to embrace failure instead of trying to avoid it. those people who spend their lives trying to avoid failure are also eluding maturity. we are drawn to Jesus because 'he learned obedience from what he suffered' (heb 5:8). people who are growing up are also drawn to individuals who bear battle scars, worry furrows, and tear marks on their faces. their lessons can be trusted, much more then the unlined faces of those who have never failed- and so have never truly lived." -boundaries p222