18 February 2004

learning to express myself has been less than easy of a task and it seems to have just come up this year. i have been thinking about thinking alot. ive been liking thinking more. getting lost in meditation talking to others beyond surface level and being forced to have to explain the question 'why?' in my life. having to learn new words that more accurately portray my subconscience. having someone that is equal in thought and desire. comparing questions. bouncing them off eachother. being free to not watch what i say. having friends that i can rely on to be vulnerable with. just me musing on my own i am usually left unfruitful but when i talk to others ranting and raving spilling over my so called thoughts its like im hearing my voice for the first time. the more i talk the more i am released to find out about the kind of person i am and who people think that i am. if i only could really know. if satan would keep from replacing the blinders. let me see with my spiritual eyes just who i am. i like becoming smarter. i want to be more knowledgable. its funny how i had so much pride in running from it. its funny to think how much ive even grown since last year. where ive come and where im going. i need to journal more and not in class but i like how boredom causes me to ponder things and write poetry. i want to start a book of my poetry. to have a collection together. beable to read my change and progression, change of styles.

No comments: