last night i came back on a train from milan. we went to como on saturday. both were amazing places i had yet to go to in italy. como is right on como lake, and 5 minutes from the border of switzerland. it must be beautiful in the spring and summer. milan was more my heart beat. the most modern city in italy with a subway system with the likeliness of new york's. it snowed in milan- it had yet to even rain since i have been in italy and the first dat of weather brought snow. it was pretty beautiful seeing flakes falling infront of il Duomo. the dreariness of the day was a bummer but its ok b/c when my family comes the week before my spring break we are goin to all go back to see the last supper (for future reference- you have to make five day in advance reservations). when i was in the duomo my eyes were automatically drawn to the tables where you go to light a candle and say a prayer. the other churches we had been to so far had fake candles that you twist into light up but there were real white candles this time and there was such a deeper sense of intimacy in the melting of the wax. i felt God's presence for the first time since being here. i watched the flames flicker in between closing and opening my eyes, trying to embrace the intensity i felt in the moment. i was lead to write a poem. as my friends allie and alyssa, who i traveled with, had come to ask my if i was ready, a man had rolled a trash can up to the tables to take away and blow out the candles that had reached half their height to clear room for more visable prayers.
on the train i was listening to a song by ben jelen that my sister put on a mix for me called 'setting of the sun' on repeat and this one part says, 'the reason why we remain unknown is b/c we live our lives till we come undone- we just have to believe.' i didnt take this as being unknown to others but i took it as never coming to know yourself. 'he wakes to find he's out of love again' 'please would you save me, ill lose my way, please would you help me to escape.' this song is a cry that comes familiar to me. feelings of falling in and out of love with the Lord, and being deceived into thinking that only if i run away, will i hear Him call for me.

il duomo
by lauren d'auria

people of
every age and color
at one table
the sound of
metal against metal
as coins drop,
paying penance
for a holy candle.
among others
i sit and watch
as the
flickering flames,
lit in hope,
suposedly wave away
our problems.
sympathy arises
in the smoke of the
united attempt,
yet tears fall
as do the
visable prayers
of melted wax.
songs resound
echoing heavenly rounds,
as a man comes
to distinguish of the
long lived candles
to make room for
the cycle that
continues.

even though we didnt get to see the last supper painting we did get to see an amazing salvidor dali exhibition that was all his little bronze sculptures, etchings, and lithographies, there were some huge bronze sculptures too and my favorite one this this one because the explanation behind it was mujer desnuda subiendo la escalera, 'the woman is searching for the never ending infinate. winless, she climbs the steps of the endless spiral, even though from the beginning, she knew that she would never reach the top. but going up is more important than arriving'

and we also went to this restaurant called 10 corso como and it had the most fabulous ambiance and was the most amazing restaurant/cafe/art gallery/bookstore/store i have been to yet in italy. in the gallery there was this exhibit called 'blue' and it was all based on the contour and shadows of this one womans body. its hard to explain but the pictures were really high contrast and all in blue shades. some of them you couldnt tell that it was a woman b/c they looked more like landscapes. but there was a quote on the wall that said,

'in a shadow of moonlight, a dewdrop slowly forms a shape.
with a transient life till morning lifht come again.
a night after night, a year after a year.
is a fraction of a second, one thousand years pass thought a dew drop.
is the corner of the darkest shadow, time flows eternally,
and and existence dissolves into the the shadow, slowly...'
-kenru isu