16 April 2008
my thumb ring was returned to me yesturday. the one that tells me in hebrew that God loves me with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3). the one that cracked in half last august when i seemed to be coming to terms with a lot of things in my life. things i felt like God would no longer love me for. and when it broke- i got upset at the irony of it all. i went 7 months without it- my ring, along with the thought that my relationship with God might never be the same. in the back of my head remained the thoughts that a child has when they know they aren't living up to the expectations of the ones they respect and they know they have hurt someone they love but feel like they have gone too far to turn back. ("will i ever be enough?") and now that i have my ring back- these thoughts have surfaced- of how callused i have become, and whether or not i can accept this love- because i don't know if i feel worthy of it. i'm reminded of the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) who wants to run home and cry in the arms of his father- to feel the comfort he once felt before he threw it all away. my eyes begin to water as i look at how perfectly my ring was welded back together- like it had never been broken- because i know God wants me to know that he still loves me and that he is waiting for me, to weld me back together and to build me up again, whenever i am ready. my heart hurts and i cant run from this.
posted by Lauren D'Auria at 1:29:00 AM