but on the other hand, possibly bc of fear- i am blindsided by the thought that if i simply don't desire or expect anything to happen then i can never be let down by how things turn out in any given situation, seemingly a way of protecting myself. but according to Buddhist teachings, craving, or desire, springs from the notion that if one's desires are fulfilled it will, of itself, lead to one's lasting happiness or well-being. Such beliefs normally result in further craving/desire and the repeated enactment of activities to bring about the desired results. and as it is further explained in the fire sermon that it is negative that the more you feed a fire the more wood it needs to maintain its flames- resulting in constant dissatisfaction.
but it becomes cyclical, and either way, undeniably selfish when one knows that there is a certain power in letting something go. in the realization that there is a release that happens when you no longer allow that thing to effect you- it some how gains a power over that thing naturally drawing it back to yourself.
this ties into the fact that people want what they cant have. is this solely in relationships or do we as humans falter in our inability to be satisfied w our lot in life bc of comparison and thinking that things (jobs, salaries.. etc) are better then other things. or do we simply try to find excuses for everything bc we are comfortable in our unhappiness? where do you draw the line between chasing what we think is right and going with the flow- finding a balance between doing and doing nothing at all.
i think im going to choose to continue to have expectations. i cant help it. its just like me- to trust my gut.
"at the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want" (Lao Tzu)
"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)