13 November 2002

so yea ive been pretty lazy bout writin in a few days...mostly because if have been working very hardly and for long diligent hours on my argumentative research paper for english. yea not fun. so ive been pretty much stearing myself away from even thinking about writing. to condtradict what i just said. here is a poem that i wrote the other day>>

[here i be]
by lauren dauria

im lost in a world of mindless minds.
im stuck in a system of rhetorical questions.
my life leaves me facing my knees.
the worth and hope is so far from what i see.
confused, hard hearted, with no reason.
it must be because of myself
and how i preceive.
i go to get encouraged
and leave discouraged and upset
the point where i want to be
i can no longer see.

the enemy crouches at my door waiting
for me to open and fall
the tempation always remains
but by the Lords grace i will sustain
this life of embracing suffering
there are two powers that both seek to kill
satan doesnt want you to inherit and walk
God wants you to get out of his way.
the second will leave you with life

here i am
married to Christ
but still deny that i am a loved wife
my insecurity overwhelms me
so much to drown me in deceit

the darkness torments but comforts
for i dont see what the light brings
my real self will be exposed
to the world it cant be shown.
lonliness has held the place
in my life where i only see his face
my hand is held by emptiness
procrastination holds the other.
lazniness follows and whispers
to sleep your life away
then you wont have to worry
about the eyes that stare you down
day and night encompased in a frown

the chance of a close friend
results in a pushing away.
my heart's pieces scream
too much hurt
what can i handle anymore?
is it worth the risk or the chore?

what to do i dont want it to be an option
i want God to be the only option
i want him to sign these papers
and take me as his adoption

i no longer want to be fueled by hatred
i want to be told,
"you are sacred
and precious before me.
my creation that i long to be with and hold
your tears have been caught and kept
and your preception was naught
in the eyes of me for all i see is Jesus."

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