17 September 2004

solitude vs. communication
communication vs. comunion
phone conversations vs. the intimacy of now
being on the phone makes you two places at once but your focus is lead to the receiving end. the sounds of the others voice murmuring over its backdrop and static lead you away from your present state. takes your appreciation off of walking down the street or looking at someone and smiling. the image of 'stuck up' became more real to me in my poetry class as my teacher described how he never wanted to to be one of those guppys. but it imulates how i think i feel. i get so caught up in the potential of the moment that i dont find myself in it upon the recollection i always feel so disconnected like i am always looking forward to something and when i get to that place i forget that i was looking forward to that time b/c i am looking forward yet again to another. makes me scared of friendships and vulnerbility and humaness too. makes me want my friendships to be drawn out in pencil so that they are much easier to erase when need be. i want to step out of my reality sometimes but yet want to be so grounded. so i stare with my eyes open because i dont want to get lost in the silohettes behind them and "my make believing wont stop these feelings" there are moments in our lives that go on without closure- we have to go on living to find it


Anonymous said...

so what would be the solution?
....or....is it not a problem in the first place. i can't decide.

Anonymous said...

you can erase me from your self if you want, but i will still be here. not for spite, but because i am that i am, beyond my own capacity for comprehension... oh when will this mind of our's accept the fate and perfection of the present?