04 September 2004

i changed majors and i am loving it so much. i was painting/printmaking major for all you who didnt know and now i am an international studies major w/ italian and religious studies minors. so listen to what i call school. my classes include: intro to world music, creative writing poetry, intro to anthropology, wonders of technology (where me and my sister are lab partners) anddd italian 201. i am excited to get away from painting and actually learn something. the funny thing is is that i am feeling more creative then ever b/c i have come to realize that art school (those two words together dont go) sucked it out of me and made art a job instead of enjoyment. but being in my poetry class i feel like my thought mind is really interacting with me. i feel like i could be seen by others and others have actually told me that i am "deep" but really all i long to do is understand. thats what my intro to world music teacher was talking about. how we have an enstinct to want to understand.

while sitting in in the dark in intro to world music listening to a nature sounds tape ths came to mind:
all americans do to embrace natures calls is drive to the nearest target to buy what another has recorded, bring it to their a/c house - push play -push repeat and listen the sounds of nature that they could get a step away for free , but all we care about is the experience free of misquitos and sunburn and sweat and itchy grass. is this what we call embracing our world?

i think one of my favorite places to be is in a place listening to someone where i have no comprehension of what they are talking about but being so interested in what i dont understand that it doesnt matter my level of ignorance. steeping myself so much in someone else that there is no ego load. when my poetry teacher said those words i laughed and rewound it in my head to try and write it down to give it some possible amount of credit just wishing i had a recorder. its so true though and it happens to me atleast once a day and he said it and wow i am amazed at his every word that simply describe the simplicity of life in such a poetic way.

so what conclusion have i come to so far? i will answer that with another few quotes my poetry teacher said: "how do you know what you think until you see what you say? visit what you do and rather then driving what you do to meaning ..release it. you are always processing your whole life all the time."

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