BENJAMIN BUTTON

"...What I think is, it's never too late...or, in my case, too early, to be whoever you want to be...There's no time limit, start anytime you want...change or stay the same...there aren't any rules...We can make the best or worst of it...I hope you make the best...I hope you see things that startle you. Feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you challenge yourself. I hope you stumble, and pick yourself up. I hope you live the life you wanted to...and if you haven't, I hope you start all over again."

road trip

Stephanie and i just got back yesterday from our new years vacation. we took advantage of these amazing gas prices and took a road trip down south. we set off Tuesday afternoon with our french bulldog, Lady and an english bulldog, Dori. the cutest smushfaces we could have ever asked for.

Atlanta was different then i thought it would be. it was a lot smaller. i didn't think i would like it- but it had a good feeling to it. the part we hung out in is called little five points. it was endearing in a way and reminded us a bit of Asheville. when we were driving around to find variety playhouse, where we saw band of horses later that night, we ran into a strip of boutiques, big warehouses and abandoned parking lots. we walked down overgrown railroad tracks in weather we hardly expected. it was pretty windy but it was nice out. good escape from the ice cold dc has been for the past few weeks.

new years eve was perfect, with my love, amazing music, ginger ale, molly, and ending with a midnight kiss with fireworks going off behind us.

the first day of the year we awoke and drove to one of my favorite cities, Nashville. this is a place i like to be a regular- at what are 'my' top spots. i always have to start w a popsicle from Las Paletas. no matter the flavor it is always amazing. the hour wait for sweet potato pancakes at pancake pantry is a must. another time with out having nachos from sunset grill (probably a good idea) but we spent some time at the dog parks and thrift stores w some of my favorite ppl i never get to see. nashville is a place i love to show off and never have a bad time no matter what we do.

it was good. but it is good to be home.

6 months today. i love you Stephanie.

'you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute'
-for one more day

Dc is my city. this is something Ive been having to remind myself of lately. for the first few months i felt like i was on a really long vacation. i have realized that i tend to do this when i move. when i moved to Richmond for college it took me years to fall in love with the city, and same with when i went to study abroad in Florence Italy. my adventurous spirit, even if i wouldn't want to admit it, freezes up when i feel like i am settling down somewhere, or when i feel like i have awhile to get to know the place. so ive been wrestling over whether dc is not for me or if I'm just not giving it a chance. maybe its both and maybe i wont be here forever- but i know for certain that i am here for a reason. i am meant to learn something. i am meant to be out of my comfort zone at this time in my life.

this is a definite transition time for me. when Stephanie and i were driving into Richmond the other day she asked me how it felt to come back. it felt like it wasn't my home anymore. i miss Richmond and how well i knew the city, how i could go anywhere and see multiple ppl i knew, how i could hang out w different ppl or do different things depending on how i felt that day- but its different now. of course i still feel welcomed and have fun when i go there but its no longer my home. that time in my life is over.

when i moved to dc i moved here with high hopes. and those hopes have not failed me yet. there are ppl i walk by everyday or that roam the streets of this city that can teach me something. that i can teach. i have been too narrow minded and comparative of dc to Richmond. but dc is different. i can not look at it as better or worse then anywhere else. i am just in the process of finding out what it is that ppl love about it here and what about it I'm going to love.

dc is growing on me. I'm slowly learning how to get around. not as intimidated by the grid system. i am still looking for a gay friendly church. looking for someone to talk to that understands my situation. someone that's gone through what i have in my head for so long. still looking for the answers to a lot of questions. my whole life everything has just happened for me. i never really had to make an effort with anything. now i feel like i do. and its a good thing. its going to force me to grow up. to be more responsible with my own outcome.

it is my decision how my life turns out. it is up to me whether i am going to remain a waitress my whole life or break out of my creative slump and be who i really am. my potential is great because i have seen it. but over the years i have been digging a hole and became more and more insecure. but my life is not over! it is just beginning and every minute counts. Stephanie has helped me realize a lot of this. she is my biggest encouragement. she believes in me. she sees what i don't see. she is my vision right now. she is my love. i have found her and now i need to find myself.

ticonderoga

there are all these abandoned buildings in this over grown lot next to the US National Arboretum on New York ave. we pass it a lot and Stephanie has been wanting to sneak in to see about uncovering any information about what it used to be. She always imagined it as a haunted secret government facility. we planned on going multiple times but we finally did yesterday. as soon as we drove up i saw that it was only fenced in from the road and that we could walk right in around back. we parked in the deserted parking lot and of course one of the employees was driving into the site simultaneously. so we contemplated on waiting until he left or just asking if we could take pictures. my idea being the second- as we were walking up he stopped to tell us that no one is allowed onto the property for safety reasons and that we would be escorted if caught. so what did we do...Stephanie's idea- we waited until he drove away and ran in!

it was a rush walking firmly through the ins and outs of the whole place taking pictures like i was doing an illegal national geographic shoot. there was a main building, that looked like a jail, facing the rest of the round smaller buildings. that building was all boarded up but each round building had two gated entrances. they were now being used to store, unexpectedly, shopping carts and no parking signs. one building had a long row of what looked like barred cages where they could have stored large animals. and last but not least there was a silo. the first thing that came to my mind was a concentration camp. it was creepy.

so after we got back to the house i decided to call the arboretum and ask them if they knew anything about it besides that they were now using it to collect waste. it turns out to be the site of a "historic brickyard" started in 1909-1910, becoming one of more than 100 large and small brick makers then located in the Washington, D.C. area. Exploited black laborers at the Federal Brickyards organized into a group referred to as Isaac Cohen's Brotherhood of Labor in 1878 and successfully agitated for higher wages.

just so stories

when i moved to dc we decided to start our very own 'found' book. things we find on the street. notes, pictures, anything. something ive always wanted to do. we found this book in asheville at the 'book exchange' , this giant warehouse of free books. any one can walk in and take whatever they want. it found me.

we found 5 dollars on the street one day. that didnt make it into the book. we bought lotto tickets. but we didnt win bc i didnt listen to stephanie and get scratch off tickets. bc if i did we would be rollin in the (gluten-free) dough right now.

other things that didnt make it in but that we put up on our bulletin:
a plastic heart
a plastic army man.
stephanie spray painted a leaf silver.

many more to come.
this keeps us more aware of the little things around us.

tis the season
we just couldnt help ourselves!
next:
chop down a christmas tree

Milk

last night after a wonderful thanksgiving dinner w Stephanie and her family, Stephanie and I decided to go to our favorite movie theater, at E st, to see Milk. It is the story of California's first openly gay elected official, Harvey Milk, a San Francisco supervisor who was assassinated along with Mayor George Moscone by San Francisco Supervisor Dan White.

The film was very emotional and encouraging. It really made me realize how lucky i am to have been born into a time where i am free to be open and not patronized for being gay. of course there is a lot more progress that has to be made to completely overcome the prejudice but we have made such great strides bc of men like Harvey Milk who took the initiative to fight for his rights and bring together ppl to shamelessly rally, protest, and stand up for who they are.

It also showed me that it is never too late to make a change or do something to be proud of with your life. never give up, and always be excited about who you are and what we can accomplish in this part of history. all of us were born into this generation for a reason and it is good to be alive.